I.L.Y. - A MewGulf AU

Chapter 22: Beyond Repair

When you've spend the last couple of months living on a sliver of hope – hope to return to your own life, hope that your husband returns your feelings, hope to right all the wrongs now that you're back – the moment it's crushed, you're bound to be overflown by an overwhelming amount emotions. Sadness, anger, pain, pity, until eventually, acceptance. However, for Gulf, he felt none of those. Instead of having some kind of reaction, the younger just stayed seated while staring at the article. He didn't see the need to read it, instead just coming back to that picture and reading that cursed headline over and over. He didn't need any confirmation other than the picture to confirm his worst fears...

It was as if he was numb. He could see his husband kissing with someone else he didn't recognize, in a bar he did recognize, but he felt absolutely nothing. No anger nor sadness, just a lifeless feeling he couldn't describe as anything except numb. Since they're both actors, he had seen his husband kiss other people on several occasions on set. But the man had always assured Gulf it meant nothing and was just a script – even though Gulf fully well knew it was just an aspect of their job, it had been always nice how his husband assured him anyway – but about this kiss he hadn't heard a thing.

So, was this how they were supposed to end? Was this how he was supposed to find out that they were fully on their way to a divorce and there was nothing he could do to stop this? Without a doubt, the media was going to blow this up in such a way there would be no ignoring this. On top of that, if the two of them didn't properly talk about this, Gulf's plan of breaking up softly was bound to fail as well.

He finally averted his gaze from his phone screen, lookup up to his husband who was still busy calling his manager. When their eyes met, Gulf could see the worry on his husband's face. It was as if he wanted to talk to Gulf but couldn't at the moment. His forehead was crushed together in such a way that he suddenly looked older, as if it was life that was crushing him.

He could see Mew mouth something towards him, but he couldn't recognize what it was meant to be.

I'm sorry
or
We need to talk
or
We're over?

Maybe it was his brain playing tricks on him, since every possible sentence seemed worse than the one before.

He didn't have to wonder about it long, since not a minute later Mew finally ended his call and said those words out loud. "We should head home."

All of his guesses had been wrong, and Gulf wasn't sure if he felt happy about that or if it filled him with even more worry. He barely even heard the words; it was as if he was in a pool and the sound of outside were muffled by the water. So, he just nodded, picking up his stuff and leaving behind the half-finished cup of mocha on the table. Mew followed closely behind him.

Gulf was about to cross the road without looking – his brain too empty to even process what he was doing – when he felt himself being pulled back. He hadn't even noticed it when Mew had grabbed his hand and pulled him back. The car passed by right in front of his eyes, making him blink in surprise.

His husband let out a sigh of relief next to him. Gulf turned towards him and saw how the earlier frown on Mew's face had grown even deeper. The worry apparent on his face. He could feel him squeeze his hand. Briefly the younger thought about pulling away, but the thought of losing any last moments with Mew quickly changed his mind. If this was going to end in tragedy, he was at least going to bask in these last sweet moments. That was how his plan always had been, and he wasn't going to change that now.

They reached the car together. As he did earlier, Mew opened the door for him again. However, this time it was that to the passenger side. Mew pulled his hand away as Gulf sat down, so he could close the door. It was right at that moment that Gulf started to fully register his feelings again. The numbness was slowly ebbing away, being replaced by... sadness. The nong was sad to realize he was already accepting whatever was happening and mourning his loss.