Of Tea...and Things

Of Plots and Plots

So did the gentlemen ride forth once more, this time with something to do, which must make it an adventure, perhaps of the least sort, but an adventure nonetheless, and thereby proved they were not true gentlemen, at least as the Standards saw it. Uncle Lou knew all there was to know about the surrounding countryside and valiantly led the way, stopping at the nearest neighbor's house to inquire of the Things he had seen digging that morning in one corner of the man's smallest hay meadow.

They caught the gentleman at tea in the garden, and found him rather aghast at such an interruption, especially considering the numbers, for in those days it was considered polite to invite the entire party to tea, including any horses or small, nasty dogs in the company's possession, if they happened upon you at such a delicate and vulnerable moment. But happily they declined, for the very appropriate reason that the ladies of their company were not present, and it would be quite rude to leave them out of such enjoyment as would obviously ensue, especially when they were themselves involved in a very tedious and grueling sort of task.

So it happened that Uncle Lee merely inquired of his much relieved neighbor as to the goings on in his back pasture. "Ah!," said he, "I merely sold a little plot to a fellow intent on studying the lives of an obscure sort of dung beetle he says lives out that way. He paid me handsomely for it and promised to leave it in even better shape than he found it."

"Thanks much, old bean," said Uncle, as he galloped off towards the next land owner he meant to question, who told him much the same thing, except this time it was a lady and she was digging for gold, and so on for each of a dozen neighbors around the district. Each had sold a very small plot, for a very tidy sum, for some innocuous purpose to a complete stranger and thought no more of it, save to muse upon what they might do with the proceeds.

They knew better than to disturb the ladies this time around, so cloistered themselves in the back parlor to pace and muse and theorize, consulting the great book from time to time or asking the imp if he knew aught of it, but as he protested more than once, "my folk have never been gardeners; that's an entirely different branch of the Woodfolk, I'm afraid."

"Don't even think about asking them," said Two, "that particular race prides itself on its genealogy too, even more so than their prodigious botanical knowledge, or so I believe. Any discussion with them on any topic will invariably turn to their extensive family history, which will make reading both the 'Natural Histories' in their entirety seem short and concise by comparison."

"Which is why they live way off by themselves in a forgotten corner of the Wood," chuckled the imp, "none dares live within a two day walk of the creatures: too dangerous!"

"I don't suppose we could buy back the property," said Squiff with a sigh, "and if they refuse to sell, it rightfully belongs to them, and..."

"Those seeds they are busy planting will soon sprout into a young wood of the Fairy sort," finished Uncle grimly, but added hopefully, "but what are a few, scattered copses after all?"

Gentleman the Second shook his head gravely, "you do not understand the physics of the Fairy Wood." Here he glanced at the Supernatural History and it eagerly complied, the other having given up and gone home to Iris's pocket.

As Lou read over the entry, his brow furrowed in concern, said he in paraphrase, "the Wood is all connected, even a single tree in a distant location is enough to allow Woodfolk easy access to the area, time and space are quite mutable within its confines."

"They merely need to wish to be in a certain place or time within the Wood and that's where they'll find themselves," added the First Gentleman.

"So an army of Things could easily invade the province," said Uncle, "or perhaps simply an influx of Things might be enough to frighten the locals off, and then they can acquire the rest of the land by conquest or abandonment and transform it likewise into another Wood."