i was a dulled out piece of sea glass
buried on a lonely beach, nowhere
you had not been searching for anything
you had not been wanting
or waiting
but you picked me up.
i was shattered, you bled when you touched me
and you didn't need to
but you picked me up.
it took a while to piece me together
it took forever
it took you everything
and you told me i was the best thing to ever happen to you
and you told me everything i wanted to hear
and i fell
but you picked me up.
and i soared down and crashed
but you picked me up.
it was as if i was your drug that you kept coming back to
it was like i was your prescription
and it wasnt until later that i realized i was running out of medication to give you
you picking me up
turned to me being your pick-me-up
you yelled when i couldnt smile
you yelled when i smiled too much
you yelled when you couldnt smile
and i yelled because i couldnt help you
and you became something else
you became someone else
you became scared
you were scared but i was horrified
to this day i wonder if i made it up
maybe you were good to me
maybe i was wrong i was bad i was the worst
maybe it's my fault you decided to yell
maybe it's my fault that everybody yelled
you yelled at my friends because they didn't love me like you did
nobody loved me like you did
but you didn't even love me
you loved the high
you loved the drug, the pick-me-up, soft hands on rough cheeks heartbeat loving gaze soft smile filled pills
i was tired
and you were taking every ounce of me
you poured me out like a lemonade pitcher off a kid's stand, you poured me out and took all the loose quarters and crumpled dollars that were given to you
i let you in
i opened my doors to you like i had to nobody else i wrote songs about you with the sweetest melodies atop meaningful chords
but every song has an ending
the music notes on the page come to a sudden stop
i left you in a whirlwind of emptiness
it got worse
"i miss you"
you didnt sleep
"i miss you"
i didnt sleep
"i miss you"
i couldnt sleep
"i miss you"
you wouldn't leave
but wasnt that what i had wanted
afterall i always loved attention
afterall i always wanted devotion
but this was scary
we were young and you were trouble
you yelled when i didnt tell you my everything
you yelled when i no longer gave you myself
you yelled when my friends stood up for me
you begged me to love you
with your eyes, your brown stoned over eyes that once held love now held something else
i picked you up.
when you cried over me
i picked you up.
when i couldn't even get through the day.
finally my bottle was empty
my hollowness made you upset
i had no more pills to give you
your pick-me-up, throw away, 24-hour medication had run out
and i ran away.
fuck you
i am not a pick me up i am not a pill i am not disposable and you had no right to piece me together just so you could throw me out
you smashed me with a hammer and crushed me with your fists and left me on the beach where you found me and still continued to take from me like i was meant to be washed into the ocean like i was meant to be used and washed away
so now i look at you
i recall and i replay memories in my mind every single day but it's okay
i'm okay
i'm okay.
but are you okay?
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