Ahab's Adventure's In Wonderland; or The Rabbit

Chapter Forty-Nine

With the Frenchmen gone, it was up to Ahab to decide our next course. He maintained the March Hare would be the more interesting and so we started in that direction. We had not gone much farther before we came in sight of the house of the March Hare: he thought it must be the right house, because the chimneys were shaped like ears and the roof was thatched with fur.

It was so large a house, that he did not like to go nearer till we had all nibbled some more of the lefthand bit of mushroom, and raised ourselves to about two feet high: even then he walked up towards it rather timidly, saying, 'Suppose it should be raving mad after all! I almost wish I'd gone to see the Hatter instead!'

There was a table set out under a tree in front of the house, and the March Hare and the Hatter were having tea at it: a Dormouse was sitting between them, fast asleep, and the other two were using it as a cushion, resting their elbows on it, and talking over its head. 'Very uncomfortable for the Dormouse,' said Franklin; 'only, as it's asleep, I suppose it doesn't mind.'

The table was a large one, but the three were all crowded together at one corner of it: 'No room! No room!' they cried out when they saw our party coming. 'There's PLENTY of room!' said Ahab indignantly, and he sat own in a large arm-chair at one end of the table. Starbuck sat at his righthand side, I at his left, and Franklin, in his modest way, chose to remain standing rather than show any unwarranted presumption.

'Have some wine,' the March Hare said in an encouraging tone.

Ahab looked all round the table, but there was nothing on it but tea. 'I don't see any wine,' he remarked.

'There isn't any,' said the March Hare.

'Then it wasn't very civil of you to offer it,' said Ahab angrily.

'It wasn't very civil of you to sit down without being invited,' said the March Hare.

'I didn't know it was YOUR table,' said Ahab; 'it's laid for a great many more than three.'

'Your hair wants cutting,' said the Hatter. He had been looking at Ahab for some time with great curiosity, and this was his first speech.

'You should learn not to make personal remarks,' Ahab said with some severity; 'it's very rude.'

The Hatter opened his eyes very wide on hearing this; but all he SAID was, 'Why is a raven like a writing-desk?'

'Come, we shall have some fun now!' whispered Ahab to Starbuck. 'I'm glad they've begun asking riddles.--I believe I can guess that.'

'Do you mean that you think you can find out the answer to it?' said the March Hare.

'Exactly so,' said Ahab.

'Then you should say what you mean,' the March Hare went on.

'I do,' Ahab hastily replied; 'at least--at least I mean what I say--that's the same thing, you know.'

'Not the same thing a bit!' said the Hatter. 'You might just as well say that 'I see what I eat' is the same thing as 'I eat what I see'!'

'You might just as well say,' added the March Hare, 'that 'I like what I get' is the same thing as 'I get what I like'!'

'You might just as well say,' added the Dormouse, who seemed to be talking in his sleep, 'that 'I breathe when I sleep' is the same thing as 'I sleep when I breathe'!'

Franklin added, in an effort to be helpful, added, 'You might just as well say, I mean what I say, as I say what I mean.'

'It IS the same thing with you,' said the Hatter, and here the conversation dropped, and the party sat silent for a minute, while Ahab thought over all he could remember about ravens and writing-desks, which wasn't much.