Ahab's Adventure's In Wonderland; or The Rabbit

Chapter Sixty-Three

We had not gone far when a host of trumpets rang out, far louder than the thunder of the storm. Ahab would have ignored the racket but for the sudden emergence of an entire host of the Queen's retainers marching at speed. When they saw us, they insisted that we must follow them, for the trumpets meant that the Queen and King were holding an assembly. Ahab refused, but he was grabbed by a half dozen or so of the men and dragged into line. The rest of us followed willingly, while at the same time trying to shut out the cries of our leader as he cursed and shouted all manner of profanities at the way he was being treated. We would have rather it been known that we just happened to be traveling in close proximity by accident rather than design.

Franklin, Starbuck, and I all believed that if anyone were to have their head removed from their body upon orders of the Queen, Ahab was the most likely.

When we were returned to the court, the King and Queen of Hearts were seated on their throne and a great crowd assembled about them--all sorts of little birds and beasts, as well as the whole pack of cards: the Knave was standing before them, in chains, with a soldier on each side to guard him; and near the King was the White Rabbit, with a trumpet in one hand, and a scroll of parchment in the other. In the very middle of the court was a table, with a large dish of tarts upon it: they looked so good, that it made us all quite hungry to look at them--'I wish they'd get the trial done,' Franklin announced, 'and hand round the refreshments!'

But there was one person who was not intrigued by the provender of tidbits. His attention was solely focused on Moby Dick. A glimmer appeared in his eye at the sight.

Ahab had never been in a court of justice before, but he had read about them in books, and he was quite pleased to find that he knew the name of nearly everything there. When Starbuck asked him what was happening, Ahab replied, 'That's the judge, because of his great wig.'

The judge, by the way, was the King; and as he wore his crown over the wig, (look at the frontispiece if you want to see how he did it,) he did not look at all comfortable, and it was certainly not becoming.

'And that's the jury-box,' said Ahab, 'and those twelve creatures,' (he was obliged to say 'creatures,' you see, because some of them were animals, and some were birds,) 'I suppose they are the jurors.' He said this last word two or three times over, being rather proud of it: for he thought, and rightly too, that very few old farmers of his age age knew the meaning of it at all. However, 'jury-men' would have done just as well.

The twelve jurors were all writing very busily on slates. 'What are they doing?' Ahab whispered to the Gryphon. 'They can't have anything to put down yet, before the trial's begun.'

'They're putting down their names,' the Gryphon whispered in reply, 'for fear they should forget them before the end of the trial.'

'Stupid things!' Ahab began in a loud, indignant voice, but he stopped hastily, for the White Rabbit cried out, 'Silence in the court!' and the King put on his spectacles and looked anxiously round, to make out who was talking.

Ahab could see, as well as if he were looking over their shoulders, that all the jurors were writing down 'stupid things!' on their slates, and he could even make out that one of them didn't know how to spell 'stupid,' and that he had to ask his neighbor to tell him. 'A nice muddle their slates'll be in before the trial's over!' thought Ahab.

One of the jurors had a pencil that squeaked. This of course, Ahab could not stand, and he went round the court and got behind him, and very soon found an opportunity of taking it away. He did it so quickly that the poor little juror (it was Bill, the Lizard) could not make out at all what had become of it; so, after hunting all about for it, he was obliged to write with one finger for the rest of the day; and this was of very little use, as it left no mark on the slate.