Mask off

Idenity crisis

TW!! MENTAL HEALTH ISSUES

Damian didn't want to be the shadow of his brothers. He knew know was a chance to be his own person. He didn't have to worry about being the perfect robin, or being a good son. He finally could worry about himself. When Damian looked in the mirror, he didn't see himself. He saw a boy who was made to be perfect, but is failing. He saw a boy who fell under all the pressure that was put on him. He saw a boy who used drugs and alcohol as an escape for not being enough.

Damian has a scar down his left eye, a large scar. He also had a scar on his neck. It was crocked and went right through his adam's apple. That scar brought pain to him. Damian also had a large J on the side of his neck, from Joker. It was burned into his skin. Damian has had scars his whole life, so why was he so self conscious of these scars. How come when he saw some of the scars the Joker gave him, he wanted to puke. Damian felt like he was walking on thin ice, one wrong thing and he would be gone.

Damian tried to make people happy, tried to please people, but everyone wanted different things. Pleasing his father got him killed the first time, and attempting to please his mother got him killed by the Joker. Damian knew something was wrong with him, mentally. He has known for years. Normal kids don't cut themselves, normal kids don't starve themselves, normal kids don't work themselves to the point of death. Damian wasn't normal. His family didn't have that issue. They all seemed fine, and Damian was just broken. Damian wanted to rip his hair out and just break. He wanted to feel normal.

Damian blamed himself for every little thing. Every fall, every fight, every fail. They might not be his fault, but he would blame himself. His family just didn't seem to care. Damian tried to talk to them, but the voice in the back of his mind told them it was his fault. They were detectives, how couldn't they know. Maybe they didn't care, or maybe they were too busy playing super hero. When Damian died the first time, he thought his family cared about him. He soon found out that wasn't the case. Bruce threw himself at work, and was hesitant to make Damian Robin. Jason, Tim and Stephanie went back to there life's. Dick, well he was dead. Too busy on a mission to bother with Damians death.

Damian thought he failed them, thought they were mad at him for failing. Maybe it was true, or maybe they didn't know what to do. Damian was raised to defend himself, so nobody had his back when he needed it. Then, he died. Tears were shed but nobody dwelled on it. Damian remembers the peacefulness before dying. Like when you know you can't do anything to stop it. Damian accepted death. The first time he was hesitant, but the second time he welcomed it with open arms.

Damian came to realize where he grew up was normal. He knew it was abuse, but he didn't want to except it. Jason once told him that Damian just doesn't want to admit it was abuse. They made him a better fighter, that wasn't abuse? But the more the boy looked into it, he realized it probably was. This threw Damian into a depressed state. He was abused. He didn't know what to do with this information. He didn't know who to tell or who to talk to. He cried and then cut, and then cried some more.

Damian remembers the whips they used at the league of assassins. He remembers the punishments if you fail. Sometimes, he could still feel the sting the whips left. His back was littered with scars from whips. If he failed he would get whipped. If he didn't want to kill someone, whipped. Thinking of the league alone made Damians head hurt. Mother always told him his father would love him, that he would be proud of Damian. Damian doesn't remember a time Bruce has ever said he was proud of Damian. Damian broke himself and built himself together again for Bruce, but it was never enough.

Damian felt guilt for not returning for them. For wanting to stay with Kamilah and Evelyn and Sam and Nolan. Maybe he is being dramatic and they do love him. Damian needs more than love, more than a hug and "sorry we didn't save you." He needed to be okay. He needed to be himself. That whole family was based on superhero's and fighting. Damian didn't want to be that right now. He wanted to be Damian Wayne.

The scars he has remind him of all he has fought for, and all the things he has now lost. They remind him of how badly being a hero broke the kid. They reminded him of everything he was leaving behind. The scars on his arm and inner thigh reminded him of how broken he truly was. Reminded him of how screwed up his life was. They reminded Damian that he wasn't okay, that at one point in his life he was never okay. They show Damian that he has a reason to keep fighting. They show that Damian Wayne is human.