Her Crescent - A Padawan Fanfiction

Chapter 20 - The thought of it

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Everything had become a blur of sorts.
Saiph had been on one end of Coruscant, in an alley and then in the Jedi temple, sitting in the medical bay, where droids were checking to see if she and the others had been injured at all.
She was not physically hurt, it felt like a waste of time. There were more important things to be done, for example, finding her master's killer.

If only I was quick enough.

"Your vital signs are positive. You are free to go." on of the medical droids said, it's monotone robotic voice Saiph nodded and stood up, trying to get out of that room as quickly as possible. The halls of the Jedi temple were not glowing with the sunlight. They were rather dark.
Saiph found that to be comforting, the darker thoughts blended in the shadows behind the pillars.

I couldn't save him...

I had one job... just one.

She looked at the floor, if she had only ran quicker, maybe have switched her positions with Anakin and took the rooftops. If only she had done better, she was not strong enough, not quick enough. If only-

"Padawan Carian."

Saiph looked up, as to find the source of the voice but her head tilted down to the floor when she heard a raspy hum.

"Master Yoda." Saiph acknowledged him, bowing her head.

"Wanted to see you, I did."

"Me, master?" She questioned as she squatted down onto a knee.

Yoda hummed again, "Troubled you are, sense it I do."

There was a small pause before Saiph spoke, "...Yes, master..." She didn't want to open up at the moment. She knew it was a foolish thought, but she needed to think first.

Like my thoughts aren't enough

Yoda said nothing, he stood in silence, staring at Saiph. She tried to look as calm as possible as she maintained eye contact with the aging master.

The silence was broken when Yoda hummed again, this time mumbling something under his breath which went across the lines of "Too soon." Then turned around, starting to head down the opposite way from Saiph.

"I beg your pardon master?"

Yoda paused, then turned around, his cane thumping against the ground once, "Speak with you, I shall."

"When??"

"Later..."

The grandmaster went once again, slowly making his way down the hall from where he came. Saiph was then alone again, in the large hallway, where many would come to bustle and greet one another. But now, it seemed the building had emptied itself for the grief of the padawan, who's tears would be able to fill up every room and chamber. But not in public.

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Saiph had almost ran to her quaters. She then opened the door to her room. The soft hiss echoed in her ears. She slipped off her shoes and a soft thump followed her footsteps, until she entered the washroom. The light glowed with a soft humming to show its hard work of function. Saiph turned, placing her hands on the sink. It was cold, but she didn't mind. The water would wake her up, almost as if this was some sort of dream, to be cast away into the unknown parts of her mind.

The cool water rippled in her hands as she cupped them together, splashing her face.

I should've changed something. She thought.

I could've been quicker, it's my fault.

The padawan has a role in aiding their master.

She splashed her face again.

Saiph looked up from the water and into the mirror, the droplets of few slid, then dropped down off of her jaw.

That's when it happened.

That's when her wall fell.

She tried so hard to not make any sound in the temple earlier, for everyone would be able to feel a disturbance.

Just the mere thought of her master being- dead, shook her to the core. Her mind was not able to process it. It wouldn't. She couldn't.

A strained cry left her mouth as she fell onto her knees, her hands still clutched the sink, as if to keep her grounded.

And what felt like hours, Saiph was hunched on the floor, grieving for her passed master. She cried for the loss, the pain, and the failure she felt in herself.

And that was the first time that Saiph Carian, the padawan to master Obi-Wan Kenobi, would cry in her life.

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Hiiiiii
So, I had been writing this chapter for a few weeks but was having trouble knowing what to put and how to convey the emotions. But then... my dog died. Which- was absolutely & is probably one of the worst things I've experienced in my life. So, I learned how it feels to lose someone like that.

I don't know why I said that but I hope you guys are doing well 🙂😕

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