Melancholia

XXVII | Letters To a Boy Who Broke My Heart

January 16th, 2013

Dear 'you,'

that's what I've been referring to you in the poems I write at 3 in the morning. I still can't say your name. I hope you know that I stopped breathing when you told me you didn't love me anymore. I hope you know that your words could burn holes through my skin. You could make stars fall from the sky. You could kill me. You could end the world with the way you speak. I hope you come back soon. I'm starting to get lightheaded. I miss you I miss you. I'm so sorry.

February 3rd, 2013

Dear you,

my letter must've gotten lost in the mail and that's why you haven't responded. That's what I keep telling myself but I know it's not true. I know you read it. I've seen it a million times in my head. You just got home from school and you're sitting on your bed listening to The Strokes, ignoring the fact that they were my favorite band, and your mother comes upstairs and hands you my letter and you leave it on your bedside table, the one that you hide your cigarettes in, and you glance over at it a few times before you finally decide to read it. and your eyes skim over at it and your head starts to hurt a little, but not enough to make a difference, not enough to make you love me again. I wish you would write back. I'm tired of writing letters to a ghost.

April 19th, 2013

Dear you,

You called me last night. Oh god. Your voice. I missed your voice. You were slurring your words when you asked how I've been and I tried to keep my hands from shaking. I swear to god when you told me you missed me I felt my heart slam into my ribs. I almost passed out. I think I'm going crazy. I still love you. Every part of me still loves you. Your name is always stuck in my throat and I keep your smile under my fingertips and I can't forget you. I tried to swallow pills to get you out but I just got dizzy. I tried to wash my hands with vodka but it didn't work.

September 4th, 2013

Dear you,

I kissed a boy last night. He tasted like sugar and he grabbed my hips and I liked it a lot. I don't miss you anymore.

September 5th 2013

Dear you,

I still miss you like crazy.

October 17th 2013

Dear you,

My mom told me to stop writing to you. She says I'll never move on if I've always got you on the tip of my tongue and I'm spending too much on stamps. I don't want to taste you anymore so this is my last letter.

October 17th, 2013

Dear you,

never mind.

November 9th 2013

Dear you,

I was over you until I held hands with the boy who lives down the street and tasted glass in my mouth. Jesus fuck you're in my veins and bleeding out can't fix me. I've tried.

January 16th, 2014

I can say your name now.

Anonymous (named: letters to the boy who broke my heart)