𝐂𝐀𝐒𝐓𝐈𝐋𝐋𝐎, SPAM ¹

* . 38 ━ ᵖˢᵖˢᵖˢᵖˢᵖˢ ˢᵃʳᵃ.

sar hopper is 100% my comfort oc. she's babie. i know i hurt her all the time but i hope you all know that i love her SO MUCH. like oh my GOD i love that bitch, give me MORE. on god. even when her series ends i really want to write more of her, like god i really love her sm, it's so hard to describe 😪🤧

like PSPSPSPSPS SAR I LOVE U

she's so ,,,

when i tell u i've never had an oc like sar, i mean it. i talk about it a little bit in the sciamachy chapter 2 author's note,, like it's like when i write her i don't even have to think. everything just flows out so naturally before i even get a chance to assess the situation and contemplate how sar would act. like i just know. it's such a wonderful feeling. i can't explain it, but it's so lovely. it's like she's a part of me, in a way, or maybe i'm a part of her, i don't know.

she REALLY is my comfort oc. i'm in a tough situation: what would sar go? i'm on a long drive or bored out of my mind: daydreaming abt sar and her story. i've had a breakdown: it's thinking about moonmaiden time. like goddamn this girl has GROWN ON ME and i never want to let her go :') i know she's just a fanfiction original character, but i literally love her so much. like even when i'm getting novels professionally published, i bet i'm gonna be thinking about sar. she singlehandedly saved me from stopping writing — maybe forever — and like fuck i've just never had a character that i connect to like i do with her.

also, stealing my oc's personality traits? check. because i never used to like the colour yellow that much, and since picking it as her favourite it became my all-time favourite too. (and i rarely leave the house without a piece of yellow, another nabbed trait hehe)

i'm MANIFESTING i love her sm and ik she's just a fictional character of my own creation but goddamn she makes me soft. it's weird loving a character of your own that much, like i wrote her into existence, but i just can't explain how easy she is. how when i write her, there's no block, there's no thinking. i know her every move, everything she'd be feeling in that moment and how she'd react to every single situation without needing to process any of it. she thinks as i think, and it's so weird having a character be this part of you.

it's why my moonmaiden chapters were all 6,000-9,000 words long without me even realising. like i don't think when i'm writing her, i don't need to take a break and consider what i'm writing next. i just know. and i never meant for them to get that long, i just knew so easily how she was thinking, and what scenes would happen next like they were real life, and i just wouldn't stop writing because i just knew. i have the biggest soft spot in the world for sara hopper and god knows i would never let anything or anyone tear her away.

it's like, hey, even if i'm alone, at least i have sar, and i know what she'd do.

i've been writing her for three years — i've had characters i've been writing for longer, but never have they been like sar is to me — and by the time her story ends, it'll probably be a good two, three or four years more. i can't imagine ever letting go of her. like, fuck, writing really is magic bc idk how tf a fictional character i created feels like this, but it's just so comforting to me. when stranger things ends, and the moonmaiden series comes to an end, i literally don't know what the fuck i'm going to do. i love all my other ocs so much, but sar is just on a totally different level. to me, in a way, she's so real, idk how to explain it. i don't think i'll cope having to end her story. but i know she'll be happy, and even when i let go of her hand and stop writing her, she'll have a happy ending and then she can write her own story. she'll carry it from then on, out of the sight of a page.

why am i actually going to cry wtf this is making me so emotional

ALSO I REALLY WROTE THIS WHILE GETTING MY EYEBROWS WAXED AND FORGOT TO POST IT BYE