Light Em Up (oc x oc)

VIII - Nova

The train pulls out of Penn Station this evening, and Madison states longingly out of the window.

"I've never been out of New York before."

"I'm from Raleigh. I've been to a few places, but only on the way up here. My mom's depression didn't let us while I was a kid, then I obviously got dumped at camp."

"Your mom was depressed?"

"She got depressed almost as soon as 'the sun left our house'," I make air quotes around the words. "I didn't get it at the time. I think it was postnatal depression that never really lifted. She was a messed-up person, and it got worse. I'd rather not talk about it."

"That sucks."

"I know."

I reach for the blank notebook in the top of my bag and a pen I stole from the lobby of Madison's sister's building. They won't miss it that much, anyway.

I start writing, line after line, but the feeling is different to how it usually is. There's a ray of light peeking through the clouds of my morbid poetry. Maybe I should stop burning them, to be able to look back at the changes. I only have one book that I have the changes documented in. Every three months, I write three stanzas describing my state of mind. It's something Hazel Levesque recommended, a way to work through my problems.

I looked up to her, for a while.

"Penny for your thoughts?"

I shake my head. "Thinking about poetry. The last few measures are off."

She reaches for the book I'm writing in, and I shake my head. "It's personal."

"I want to get to know you."

"Reading my poetry won't achieve that. It's pretty much bottled up trauma."

"Your past is a lot of who you are."

"I know. The past has given me a lot of my current mental health problems."

"You're impossible to talk to."

"That's the point, darlin'."

"Why are you so sharp? We've left everywhere, what do you have to lose?"

"You, for a start."

"What?"

"Nothing."

"That wasn't nothing. You won't lose me, Nova."

"You might not have a choice." My hands shake. "I could incapacitate everyone on this train with a whistle, break all the windows with a shout, blind anyone in a mile radius with a smile. Never mind if I actually touch someone. There's no logical reason for why I have such amplified abilities, but it's a curse."

"You can learn!"

"I have tried. For years, I have tried. I haven't had any casual physical contact in years. Not since the bridge."

"Nobody's hugged you in four years?"

"No. Not since... not since I killed Michael. I've told you the story before."