Now That You're Gone [Hiatus]

Tzuyu/Sana's Diary

tzuyu

hey diary. been a while huh? anyways, I am not sure about how to feel of everything that is currently happening.

it's kind of scary honestly. i don't know how to deal with this but, I love both of them. sana's date was amazing I'm not going to lie about that.

mei is an incredible girl too. i don't deserve both of them at all. sana deserves a wife who will take care of her.

she does not need to keep chasing after me when all i am going to do is cause her more pain. when i left the group, i hoped that sana would hate and forget me for that.

i have to admit that i miss everything about the group. onces, writing music, spending time with my members, and creating memories.

it was perfect.

everything was perfect.

until i began going through depression. it was and still is not a fun experience. i fully regret leaving the group.

what if i stayed?

would we still be in a better place as of now? would there still be smiles on their faces? i miss the laughter and jokes.

i miss nayeon's loud laugh.

i miss jeongyeon's jokes.

i miss momo's weird sneezes.

i miss jihyo's love and leadership.

i miss mina's comforting voice.

i miss dahyun's goofiness. 

i miss chaeyoung's laughter.

i need sana's love.

i'm starting to think that i was the cause of all this hell. it's probably true. i hate myself. i hate everything about myself.

i did not want to bring any of this sadness upon my members. i was so selfish that i did not think of how they would feel if i had left.

look at what is happening now. twice is left on hiatus and once does not even know if they will return.

i'm sorry twice.

i'm sorry once.

i'm sorry to all the people that i have hurt. it's my fault.

sana

wow wow wow! i can tell that tzuyu enjoyed the date that i took her on. i put all my effort and hard work into that date.

natsuri was a big help too.

with her assistance, they date that we pulled off was a success. the look on tzuyu's face when she saw the cows was so adorable.

i just wanted to kiss her right then and there but i did not know if she would be comfortable with it.

mei is one of my biggest competitions right now. when i found out that she was tzuyu's girlfriend i was so angry.

i was jealous.

nevertheless, i do not regret falling for tzuyu. i mean, who wouldn't? flawless skin, silk-like hair, luscious lips perfect for kissing, a beautiful voice, piercing eyes, a perfect body, and many more.

if you looked up 'perfect' on a dictionary, her face would be right there. 

i regret hurting her. after i realized my feelings for her, i knew that i needed to chase after her. she is the one that i want.

she is the one that i need.

she must be thinking that i deserve someone better when in reality, she is the one that i have to be with.

i won't give up until she is in my arms. 

i want to hold her so close and never let go of her. i do not want to cause any harm to her ever again. 

when... and yes, when because i know that i can win her over... when i win her over, hopefully i can take her back to korea.

it would mean the world to her members if she visited them one last time before we leave and write our own music together.

i wonder what we would call our group though... still thinking about that. 

i guess this is the end of writing in this diary for today.

i just texted tzuyu and i am going to pick her up even though it is about 2:00 in the morning. anyways...

see you later.