with you, i'll be okay

do you believe in angels?

TRIGGER WARNING!! SELF HARM IS MENTIONED!! READ WITH CAUTION ⚠️

Sean's POV

I woke up around 3am. I felt so comfortable wearing Felix's hoodie, every time I inhaled I realized it was like getting a hug from him. It was so comforting and loving, I loved it so much. The past few days have been so amazing, Felix and I are... in love? I suppose that's what you'd call it. As much as I love it, it's terrifying. He's like an angel, not just in his sleep, in every movement he makes.

I've always struggled having feelings for others, whenever one little thing went wrong, suddenly my razor became best friend. I'm an extremely impulsive person, and I'm having a hard time understanding if I should be with anyone at the moment. All I know is that he makes me feel like laying in the ground under a starry night sky, void of everything, just us.

I get up from bed and quietly walk to the bathroom. I close the behind behind me and turn the light on, I look in the mirror. My eyes look sunken in, I look tired. I take off Felix's hoodie and everything else I'm wearing until I'm stripped into just my boxers.

My collarbone sticks out of my skin, my eyes wander to my wrists, covered with scars, mostly old. I know better to cut where people can easily see it. I touch the ones on my sides, they're fresh, and they sting the second I touch then. Instead of pulling away I keep pressuring the freshly formed scab. I don't even realize I'm bleeding until the blood is trickling down my palms.

Suddenly I'm snapped back to the present. " Shit, Felix is gonna kill me," I say under my breath. My head starts spinning when I realize there's nothing I can clean it with. In my room I keep tissues, hand sanitizer and heavy duty bandaids, but this isn't my house. I quickly put my pants back on and quietly walk to the living room, trying to find something to clean and cover it up with something. I feel so guilty for making myself bleed again because the past few days have been so damn magical, almost like a dream. So why am I still hurting myself?

And then it hits me, I love it. I love when I see the blood, the pain I feel when I do it. I think I'm...addicted to it. It sounds sick but it's like any other drug, when I do it feel better, if I go a while without it I feel myself itching to do it again and again. Until eventually, it's all over.

" Jack?". I spin around to find Felix standing by the sofa trying to find the lights. " D-don't turn the lights on!". And just my luck, as I finish my sentence, I'm blinded by bright light. I doubt he'd listen to me though. " J-Jack! Oh my god dude let me find like a towel to put pressure on that.". He said rushing to the cabinets. " I-I'm sorry I was just looking at the cuts and then I guess they triggered me.". I said in a sincere tone.

" Jack, buddy I know you feel guilty but there's nothing apologize for. I do not expect you to feel like everything's fine even after the amazing moments we've had from the past few days. I love you and I'll be here every step of your journey to recovery." He said as he placed a wet warm towel on my wound. I sharply inhaled, " I'm sorry but I swear the pain'll subside soon."

He then lightly massaged ointment onto my cut and the placed a pretty big bandaid on it. He had brought my (or his, I should say) hoodie from the bathroom and he held it up as he asked, " I feel like your wound should be able to breath so it doesn't get infected. And Jack buddy, you gotta start seeing a therapist." The idea of getting therapy wasn't anything new to me, it just didn't work that well before...

" I don't really know how affective that would be..." I said quietly. " I know you're hesitant about it but I can go in there and we can discuss it together." He said meeting my eyes. I sighed in reluctance," okay, only because we're doing this together... right?"

He smiled and said, " of course Jack, now let's head back to bed." He said holding my hand leading me back to the bed. He laid down on the bed and so did I. Felix was turned towards my back and wrapped one of his arms around my body. He kissed my neck softly and whispered," I'm never letting you go".

" You remind me of angels." I say as I drift off to sleep again.

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Hello people! Thank you for reading, if you liked it please comment and vote on this story, it's greatly appreciated. Anyways, Se you in the next part lovelies ✨