Golden [ #2 EFS ] ✓

Matchweek Twenty-Two: Liverpool vs. Brighton

[ Positions by Ariana Grande ]

Chapter Twenty-Two

T R E N T

LIKE HELL I CAN stay away from Samara. It's been a while. I haven't seen or even heard a word from her in couple days. I have never been more miserable before in my life. I knew I had feelings for her, but I only discovered that I loved her last night. But it was sadly too late. I should have never let her walk away but I knew she needed space.

All I've been doing is staying in the lounge and wallowing in self pity. I haven't been able to even sleep in my own room. Going in there brings back too many memories of her. I can't even use my own shower because everything there smells like her. There are still a few of her clothes in my cupboard and there is even some of her hair lying around the place.

I can't remember when last I ate proper food. My clothes smell like beer and I have tear stains on my cheeks with red, puffy eyes. I barely slept a wink these past few days, but my body isn't tired. Instead, I'm tired of being alone. I'm tired of living without her.

I missed the game on Saturday. It didn't feel right to play knowing she won't even be watching. I don't blame Michelle because this was my fault. Daniel was right. I shouldn't have waited so long to be honest with her. I only realise now how much I actually need. She is like my oxygen and I'm drowning without her. She made all of my problems disappear by just being in her presence.

My whole world revolves around her. I miss the way she used to walk around the flat in her underwear or just my shirt. I miss the way she used to lay her head on my chest and hum whenever I used to play with her hair. I miss the way she used to sit on my sofa and watch Disney Channel whilst eating peanut butter.

I wipe the tears off my cheeks but I still can't get her out of my mind. I clutch her peach thong in my hands. It might be creepy but I can still smell her on it and it somewhat makes me feel better. I wanted to go round her office to speak to her or atleast drop of her things, but I'm scared to leave the house. I know that Gidian would have a huge article about us and I don't want to know what people think.

I should have never dragged Samara into my mess. Now her entire personal life is out there for the whole world to see and it's all my fault. I should have never slept with her that first day in her office, but no matter how hard I try to taint that memory I just can't. It may have been so wrong at the time, but no one knew that it would turn into love - for me atleast.

I don't even know what's going on in Samara's mind. She must still believe that I agreed to get back together with Michelle. Samara must probably hate me anyways now.

All I can do is stare at the ring that's still in the velvet box on the table in front of me. I wanted to take her in my arms, tell her how I feel and slip the ring on her finger. I would treasure her and treat her like the Queen she is. I would shower her in love and gifts, even though she would probably give me an earful for it.

Samara was and will always be the woman I want to marry and have children with.

The door swings open and Marcel barges. He's gotten extremely close to Samara the past few days, and he's already considering her his sister-in-law. He already looks super pissed, standing in front of me with his arms folded across his chest and lets not even talk about the glare he's giving me.

"What the fuck dude?" He exclaims. "What the fuck did you do to my sister-in-law?"

I swallow back the lump in my throat, but it seems harder because all the memories of her flash through my mind.

"She thinks that I agreed to get back together with Michelle." I say with a croaky voice.

"Did you?"