Touch me [Shigaraki x !Depressed!reader]

Incarnate

It was early December. Frost glittered coldly, stained the color of blood and rust due to the rising sun. It's been nearly a year since I went on my rescue mission to save that hand bitch who promptly broke my heart once he woke up. I sighed, my breath billowing out like smoke. My fingertips were stained red from how many people I had killed lately. I scoffed at them in disgust and shoved them back into my warm pockets roughly. 

 I had to admit, these days I wanted to do nothing more than just sink into warm, peaceful darkness and never wake up. I was so tired of trying to convince myself he wasn't worth crying over. I was tired of worrying about him and what he felt. I was tired of feeling angry and hurt and hating myself. And, quite frankly, I was just overly tired of living. It was a burden to wake up and drink water, eat food, stretch, kill a person or three, fall into a depression late at night, sleep, and do the same thing all over again. I had thought of seeking Shigaraki out a couple of times but decided it would just hurt worse afterward. I had even considered finding Dabi or simply turning myself in to the police. 

It was all too much to handle yet not enough. The days passed by slowly yet way too fast, blurring together like buildings in a snowstorm. Speaking of snow, I narrowed my (e/c) eyes at the dark, grey sky that hung ominously close. Thunder rumbled in the distance, sending a blast of cold, icy wind into my face that stung like a million needles. That's why I love winter: this cold, painful, dreary weather that reflected how my mind felt.

 Reluctantly, I dragged myself to my feet and headed out into town. My hood was pulled low over my face, obscuring my features. I passed a store of TVs that were showcasing the local news. A few other people were huddled there, stomping their feet for warmth and blowing out billows of fog.

"It looks like there's a huge attack! Strange creatures are wreaking havoc all over Hosu! The heroes are trying to hold them back but-Oh, look there! It's the Winged Hero: Hawks! And Endeavor! They're battling bravely with these monsters."

Hosu? But that's where I am...

BOOM! A huge explosion shook the ground, causing everyone around me to look up and begin screaming and running in panic. It was those creatures that were just on the news. They were gruesome monsters in different shapes and sizes. They looked familiar somehow...

I walked calmly down the panicked streets. I stopped near the north side and looked around. It was around 3 o'clock now and the cold wasn't as bad. Looking around, a movement caught my eye on the top of one of the buildings. It was Shigaraki...

He was scratching his neck, his villain costume on. He had a manic grin on his face and Kurogiri stood to his left. Before I knew it, I was walking closer. He looked down and we both froze as our gazes locked. His hand fell to his side slowly. I blinked and forced myself to turn and walk away. Knowing that he was here, attacking this city, not but a few hundred yards away and just ignoring him...it felt like someone was ripping my heart out of my chest.

This is it, I thought sadly. I'm done. I looked around and walked over to a tall building and climbed my way up slowly. Looking out over the burning city, I began to think of my childhood and how different things could have been. I remembered the first time I had met Shigaraki and how enrapturing he was. His red eyes, smooth- yet somehow rough- voice, his hands, and how gently he touched me as if he were afraid he'd break me.."

There was no one to stop me now. No one to catch me if I fell. I just want to feel alive for once but since I couldn't I might as well end it all. End all the pain and confusion and anger. End the constant guilt and humiliation. End the feelings I had for Shigaraki.

I had felt like, at last, someone actually wanted me. It was like waking up from some horrible nightmare and then realizing that I just came into an even worse one. Knowing that he was just using me that entire time, that I actually was stupid enough to fall for it, was so infuriating. I looked around and started walking slowly to the edge. The wind howled viciously, tossing my hair around. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath, feeling my heartbeat steadily as I lurched forward. 

Everything seemed to slow down. My body fell and I could feel the pressure of the wind. I could hear my heartbeat every time and heard the blood rush through my veins. Everything that I had gone through, my parents and their abuse, their KIA, the first time I killed someone, the first time I realized that I hated life, Shigaraki, Dabi, all my friends at the League, my brother, the rescue, and when Shigaraki rejected me. Each memory flashed by in a split second but it felt like lifetimes. I braced myself for impact, sensing I was near the ground. This is it...goodbye.

Something caught me suddenly, knocking the breath out of my body. It was one of the creepy monsters. It set me down on the concrete and flew away. Up close, I realized it was a Nomu.

"(Y/n), what the hell were you doing?!"

It was him again. I hated him. I should yet my heart lept with joy once I saw his face.

"Ah, I was curious if I could fly," I retorted sarcastically, standing up. "You ruined my experiment."

He came closer, reaching out to grab my hand. I moved away shakily, refusing to meet his eyes.

"Please don't do that ever again," he nearly whispered.

"Why the hell not?! You don't care about me anyway."

"That's not true...I-I shouldn't have pushed you away. I was scared. Scared you'd get hurt again. I just...wanted you to be happy."

"Happy," I yelled in exasperation. Tears brimmed at the corner of my eyes and I blinked them away angrily. "You don't think I was happy with you? I...I thought that you were different, Tomura! I thought that maybe, hell, for once I'd be able to be loved without conditions but it was a fucking lie."

I glared at him and stepped closer.

"Kill me," I demanded evenly. "I want you to do it. Break me completely." 

"I can't."

"And why the hell not?"

"Because...because I love you, (Y/n). I have for a long time and I'm so fucking sorry I never showed it enough. I never meant for...this to happen. I just...FUCK!"

He fell to his knees, tears streaming down his face. He began scratching his neck so viciously that blood began dripping down his hands. I grabbed his hand and pulled it away from his neck. He...he was crying. I wiped his tears away gently. He...said he loves me. No one has ever said that before. Hope bloomed in my chest.

"Tomura...I love you too..."

Suddenly there was a loud crash. The building I had just jumped off began to shiver and fall. There was no time to move. A huge, dark shadow loomed over us. Tomura grabbed me and kissed me. I kissed him back, holding him close. Then everything went dark.

*

*

*

Have you ever been in that kind of peaceful, silent darkness where you think that nothing bad nor good could ever happen? As if you could just sink into its ebony warmth and never come out. A somehow familiar voice broke me out of my thoughts.

"Hey, girl, you're in the way."

THE END

Hope y'all like the book! I can't believe how popular it got! I've loved reading everyone's comments and writing about my favorite villain. This was so much fun and I can't wait to write more stories for y'all! Peace out, my lovelies! Stay safe and stay weird!