Chasing Astrid Malone

24. FILLER FLUFF

Mom, Josh, and Tristan stood in the kitchen, six eyes glued to me in anticipation. "I'm ready."

Mom was biting her thumbnail and removed her hand in what looked like an attempt to say something, then continued the nervous habit.

Josh stood next to her leaning on the counter, watching me with wide eyes.

I found Tristan's eyes on me, I pleaded with my own for him to help me out of this uncomfortable moment.

"We better get going." Tristan grabbed his keys off the counter and held my arm, walking me away from the pity party I didn't want to attend.

We drove to school in silence. I made it a point to look for little details in the world passing us by, details unrelated to me or my life. A white picket fence around my neighbor's yard, the graffiti on a stop sign, the flock of birds flying above us.

Who painted that graffiti? Why did they do that, and where are they now? I had a giggle when I pictured a man, past his rebellious phase, working a desk job.

I wondered if the birds had a designated place in the V shape of their flight, and how they decided.

"You seem to be handling this well, it's concerning actually." Being near Tristan seems to cloud my thoughts of... HIM. I'm still not ready to talk about it.

"I'm fine. I don't want to think about it. What are your plans for today?" Please take the bait and change the subject.

"Well I have to turn in my final for one of my classes tomorrow, so I'll be in my room working on that. Do you want me to pick you up from school?" I feel self-absorbed, not even knowing enough about Tristan to know what his major is.

I hate the thought of him feeling bad for me, he has his own life and shouldn't need to be putting his plans aside to come pick me up. "That's ok, I'm sure you're busy. Brenda can bring me home."

BRENDA! She slept with my brother, and my life is so fucked up, it's not even a topic of conversation right now. "Did Josh tell you about him and Brenda?"

"Yeah, we talked about it. He's a little freaked out about you finding out, but I guess that ship has sailed." Of course I know, she's my best friend.

"It's weird, but weirder things have happened." I flashed him a small smile.

"So, it wouldn't be too weird, if I pick you up later then?" This again? Between my Mom and Josh, I don't need another person to treat me like glass right now.

"I really am fine. You don't need to put your life on hold for me. I just want things to go back to normal, ok?" I need to decide which college to choose from. My acceptance envelopes are sitting in a pile on my desk at home.

"I'm never gonna push you, Astrid. If you need or want me to be there with you, it's not some service I'm offering, it's what I want. I want to be apart of your normal." My mouth fell open and he put the car in park, turning to me.

I'd hoped for something clever or witty to come to mind, but I was stunned by his words. "I'll see you at three then?" Tristan's slanted half-grin made me wish I could have stayed snuggled up in bed with him all day.

"I'll see you later, Rocky" I cocked an eyebrow up at his nickname for me, I don't feel deserving of it now.

"What? I thought you liked being called Rocky."

"I don't feel like much of a fighter right now." His head fell back and to the side, with raised eyebrows.

"No amount of physical strength will ever compare to the strength I see in you now." He can't mean that. I had a mental breakdown over a boy.