In some office somewhere.
Calamity Ganon: Um Kevin?
Ganon takes a seat as the person behind the desk turns her chair around.
Bowsette: Welcome back Ganon. Kevin retired last year. So, I'll be taking care of the villainous subjects for now.
Calamity Ganon: R-right.
Bowsette: So I want talk about your most recent plan.
Calamity Ganon: The one a couple years back?
Bowsette: Yeah. The plan that got straight up destroyed BY A BOY WHO WAS ASLEEP FOR A HUNDRED YEARS!
Calamity Ganon: It was pure luck to be honest.
Bowsette: You had control over the Divine Beast. You had control of your own army. You even had control of the DEAD! How in the world did you fuck that up?
Calamity Ganon: I uh-
Bowsette: Don't even get me started on this Link kid. You've been fighting variations of him your whole life and every chance you had a chance to kill him early on! Just like now! You had him in the corner. Down for the count and what fucking happened?
Calamity Ganon: ...He got away.
Bowsette: I have never. EVER met such a idiotic and possibly full on retarded ancient entity as you. Then what you also fucked up. Is being held back by the girl with a piece of the Tri Force. Like Holy Hell! All you had to do was either kill the boy earlier, or I don't know send one of the Divine Beast to kill him since he was sleeping 100 GOD DAMN YEARS!
Calamity Ganon: Okay okay I get it. I know my plan wasn't really the greatest.
Bowsette: Just play your cards better next time please?
-beep-
Bowsette: (Y/N) can you send in Cortex so I can tell him how to not get your plans busted by a animal who looks like he was born from Wack a Mole.
——————————————————————
Bowsette: So Zod? Is that your name?
Zod: Indeed.
Bowsette: Right right. Arch Nemesis Superman. Kryptonian. Everything checks out.
Zod: As expected.
Bowsette: Just one question. If you're a such an expert on war with your army and you and Superman can't kill each other no matter how hard you try. THEN WHY NOT JUST ENSLAVE THE WHOLR PLANET!?
Zod: I um.
Bowsette: You can literally rule everyone and everything. Superman's identity would be discovered and instead of fighting him alone for your pathetic god damn fatherly figure complex! You can imprison him by throwing him into the kryptonite that can be literally and I mean LITERALLY found anywhere on Earth!
Zod: But I have been successful on the attack against Brainiac.
Bowsette: Yeah where he kept resurrecting himself! Do you have any idea how many troops you have lost to a alien who likes green ass Micheal Jordan hitting up the year 2100? Just find out where the hideouts are before you give him a chance so you can kill the guy who is the literal cause of blowing up your planet! Jesus how did Kevin put up with this?
-beep-
Bowsette: (Y/N) I'm done here. Bring in Mysterio so I can tell him that having your invention called BARF by a millionaire is literally THE WORST motive to almost destroy a whole city to pretend to be a hero... I already hate this job.
