A Third Of Love

Chapter 5: A Tale Of Arcades

A/N: Alright then, warnings, let's see... ah, yes.

There is one particularly graphic description of a corpse, courtesy of yours truly. It is... pretty heavy. If such a thing makes you uncomfortable, firstly, my apologies, and secondly, you may wish to skip that portion of this chapter.

It is preceded by a character saying viewer discretion is advised — and they're not just talking to the characters, they're talking to you!

Oh, goddamn it, why is there always so much to do?!

I swear to God... if I have to fill another form, I'm gonna destroy Foggyland, I really am. Then, again, I was born there so... eh, Chommo it is then.

Or maybe the Lost Underworld — you know, I never really liked that place. Yeah, I'll blow that up.

Except if I do so... I'll have to fill another form! GODDAMN IT!

Ohhhhhh... oh! Oh! Hello! Hello, it's great to see you again! No, really, it actually is! Cause this gives me the perfect excuse to take a break!

Woo!

What am I doing then? Well, I've had to fill a bunch of paperwork. Yes, I have to fill in paperwork. You see, I gotta keep a daily record of all the stuff that's going in this world. You know, number of births, number of deaths, number of teens having underage sex — shit like that.

That last one can get rather disturbing to count... seriously, people, sex is not that great! I mean, it's pretty great, but not so great that you should break the law for it! Seriously, can people not just wait?!

Now, I like counting pointless shit, but sometimes it gets really annoying — because I also have to record how the things that died actually died, if it wasn't by natural causes, like age or disease — in which case, I get a pass. Strangely though, natural disasters and the like don't actually count as natural... for some reason.

As you can imagine, whenever there's an earthquake or a volcanic eruption (or both, since the former usually causes the latter), my job gets all the more busy.

But that's not the worst part of it, no. Those days are kinda tiring, yes, but it's not all that bad — because I know exactly what caused all those deaths.

The issue is when I don't.

See, occasionally, I can't figure out why a bunch of deaths happen. It doesn't happen all that often — maybe say... once in a thousand years, and I've always managed to find the answer, but every time it does, I get scared.

Take today for instance — see, ten of the Mr Saturns all died for some reason, but I haven't figured why yet. It can't be age — the Saturns can live centuries and the chances of ten of them all reaching the ends of their lives at the exact same time is so impossibly low, that if I was to actually bother calculating it and I put the answer into a calculator, it would just round it to zero.