Serkan scowled across the table at Eda, shooting daggers at Efe, who sat much too close to her for his liking. They were talking and laughing, too low for Serkan to hear what they were talking about, and Serkan felt like he was going to explode out of his skin. He took a swig from his third glass of whiskey, his eyes never leaving her face. Was Efe her type? Could she fall for him? The thought of her with another man made him feel sick.
Eda felt the weight of his stare and her eyes locked with his briefly. Her smile faded, the sparkle in her eyes extinguished, and her face turned hard and cold. He felt her pain and resentment like a knife in his gut. He swallowed past the perpetual lump of guilt and despair in his throat, and she looked away from him and turned back to Efe, her eyes smiling again. She drank deeply from her glass of wine and laughed too loud at Efe's attempt at charm. She refused to let Serkan think he affected her, but every day that she had to see him, it felt like someone taking another scoop out of her heart with a rusty spoon; it was slow torture.
They were at another team bonding dinner, this time hosted by Serkan at his house. Efe's team had arrived from Italy two days earlier, and Serkan invited everyone over--mostly because he was tired of being shown up by Efe. Serkan really had no desire to socialize. He just wanted to work and exercise and sleep so that he wouldn't have time to think about her anymore.
The only reason Serkan continued to attend all of the social functions Efe planned was because he had no intention of letting Efe move in on Eda. If she was going to move on and be with someone else, it couldn't happen right in front of him. He wouldn't be able to handle it. He'd already lost Eda, distanced himself from his parents, and closed himself off to Engin and Piril; and now he felt his own team slipping away from him, gravitating toward Efe as the "fun boss." He wanted to show everyone he could be fun too, and he was fine. Totally fine.
Serkan downed the rest of his drink.
"How many of those have you had, brother?" Engin looked at him with concern, like he always did these days.
"I'm a big boy, Engin. I know when to stop." He'd never really been a drinker, but since he broke off his relationship with Eda, he'd been drinking more than he ever had before. He was aware of it, and he knew he was losing control of himself and it scared him, but sometimes he couldn't help himself; the alcohol helped dull the constant ache that filled his chest.
He looked at his watch; it was a little past 11. "Is it late enough now? Is it an acceptable time to wrap this up, Engin?" He was ready for everyone to leave.
Engin nodded at him with a sad smile. "Yeah. It's late enough."
"Stop looking at me like that, Engin."
"Like what?"
"Like you feel sorry for me. I hate it. I'm fine, okay? Really, I'm fine."
Engin knew he wasn't fine--and he knew Eda wasn't fine, either--but he wasn't going to get into it with him right now.
Serkan stood up and clinked his spoon against his glass. Everyone stopped talking and looked up at him. He put on a smile and hoped it didn't look as forced as it felt. "Let me have your attention for a moment, friends."
Eda looked at him intently as he spoke, and she noticed the light glinting off of the shiny metal of his ring. He was still wearing his ring! She felt fury rise in her chest, and she had the overwhelming urge to scream. How could he still be wearing his engagement ring? She wanted to rip it off his finger. She wanted to get up and beat her fists against his chest and scream and cry until he told her why.
Why? Why? The question had been on repeat in her head since he'd broken up with her two weeks ago. None of it made sense to her. The explanation he gave didn't make sense. How could he just turn his emotions off like that? He'd made so many promises, told her he loved her, couldn't live without her, couldn't breathe without her. She didn't understand what had happened, and she knew something was going on with him that he wasn't telling her. She knew him! God, her heart just hurt so much every minute of every day. It never lessened. She tried to turn her pain into anger, but she could only keep up the facade for so long before the pain drowned out her anger. Every night when she lay in bed alone in the dark, she cried herself to sleep with every word he'd ever said to her replaying in her mind like a tragic movie, and the same question repeating itself...why?
