Pathetic. (A Draco Malfoy fanfiction)

Chapter 33.

The doorknob was rusted, seemed nobody had used the front door for quite some time. I wonder, has nobody used it simply because there hadn't been visitors, or because nobody was here at all anymore?

Vines were overgrown across the exterior walls, creeping across windows and poking through the ornate golden designs that surrounded them. I couldn't help but snort at the sight, the thought, even.
I can imagine Lucius Malfoy picking through a book of window decals and picking the prettiest and most expensive of all the useless options.

They must have moved away, because I don't believe he would allow nature to overtake the pristine image of his home like this.
Where could they have gone?
We must've won, we couldn't have lost that day, and the Malfoy family would've been seen as war criminals, so where could they have gone where they wouldn't be taken immediately to Azkaban? Unless of course, that's where they are, but I firmly believe if they had been arrested, rather than fled, Lucius would have paid for the upkeep of his home.
I think I'm thinking way too hard about this, just so I don't have to knock yet. My nervousness is eating away at my insides, and it's beginning to hurt, I gotta get this over with, but I just...can't.
What if he is here? What if he doesn't want to see me? What if he's married or something? I'm not even sure how long I've been gone, but he could've easily found someone since I was, well, gone.

Ouch. Stop thinking about that, I don't need to think about anything else besides sucking it up and knocking right now. So fucking knock! Just fucking knock!
I can do it, it's so easy, it's literally the most simple thing I have to do today.
I take a deep breath, and try to ignore the doubts and terrible possibilities that keep popping into my head.
Each rap of my knuckles sounds louder and louder in my head, and I almost consider running away, but I hear footsteps, and my feet seem suddenly stuck to the marble porch.
The clicking of shoes coming towards the door makes my stomach churn even more than before, and I begin to wonder, why the fuck did I come here? What am I doing? What do I expect to happen when I see him again?

I hear the click of a lock, and the door is pulled open quicker than I was prepared for, revealing an older woman I don't recognize, a woman who's face turns white as a sheet as soon as her eyes land on my face.
Neither of us speak for a good minute, until I finally break the tense silence by clearing my throat.
"Um...hello, I'm looking for Draco Malfoy? He used to-"

"This can't be!"
The woman exclaims, her hands flying to her face to cover her mouth.
What the fuck is going on?
"I'm sorry?"
"You're supposed to be dead!"
I sort of gathered that by now, but it's weird to hear someone actually say it.
"Oh, well...I'm not."
She just blinks at me and doesn't say anything; I get it, it's totally understandable, but I'd really like to see Draco, so I'd rather like it if she could just move past the shock.
"Is Draco-"
I suddenly see a familiar head of blonde hair walk across the hallway behind the woman, and my heart skips a couple beats.
"Draco!"
He stops in his tracks, but takes a couple seconds to actually come to the door.

"Nanny, who's at the door?"
Draco asks, coming to look for himself after the woman remains completely unresponsive.
Almost all the air in my lungs seems to escape when I lay my eyes on him; still the same, beautiful boy I left behind, though now, his skin is paler, with dark half moons under his eyes, and cracked, chewed up lips.
His hair is still perfectly combed back, the sight of it pulls at my heartstrings, making me miss the days before, the times we were happy. I miss running my fingers through that meticulously styled hair and laughing when he pouted and tried to fix it.

I can't imagine I look very well myself, covered in dirt, my hair is caked with mud, and I haven't been too kind on my own lips, given the hours long trek from that forest and contemplating everything that could go completely wrong, so I can't really be too hard on him, also I have no idea what he's been though since I was...dead.

Not surprisingly, Draco didn't take it too well.
He stands there, staring at me blankly, just like the nanny, until I try to step nearer, and his brows knit together; Angry, confused, understandably so, but it's not so understandable when he draws his wand and points it directly at my face.
"What are you?!"

Ouch.

Cautiously, I hold up my hands, and look directly into his eyes,
"Draco, it's me. It's really me, I swear, I-"
"No, no she's dead! She's dead! I killed her!"
Oh right, I had almost forgotten that.
"If this is some sick joke, I swear..."
He searches me for some sort of inconsistency, I imagine, with those beautiful eyes I've always loved so much, and grows visibly more upset when he can't find any.
"Whoever you are, you'd better get the fuck off of my property right this second."
Draco is crying now, his wand still in high position, but slipping lower every passing second.
Taking another step, I reach out and lower his wand to his side for him, then cupping his sallowed cheeks in my hands and forcing him to get a good look at me,
"Look at me, I'm right here, and I'm real."
The nanny starts blubbering something about ghosts; I just try to ignore it and focus on draco.
For a moment, I think I've finally gotten to him, his lips part, and I watch him say my name, but no sound comes out.
"Oh draco, I love you, I-"
He suddenly tears his face away from my hands and backs up, staring at me with disgust,
"Do you think this is funny? Do you? Thought it'd be a gas, did you? Well, I suggest you leave before I do something I'll regret."
He spits, each word crushing me more and more.
This is not how I wanted things to go, not even remotely close.

How can I make him believe me? How did I really expect him to take it on the first place? I guess I forgot it was him that...Um....killed me...so I suppose I naively assumed he'd just be happy.
I honestly don't know what else I can say or how I can prove it, the only option I suppose is to just...plead.
"Draco please! I'm telling you the truth! I know it's hard to believe, I know, but please just give me a chance! Please, I don't know what happened, I just woke up last night in the woods and I-"
Draco holds up a hand to silence me, and harshly wipes tears off of his cheeks, before speaking through gritted teeth,

"I killed you. Leave me alone."

Before I can get another word out, Draco turns away, grabbing the nanny by the arm and pulling her into the house with him.
The heavy doors rattle my whole body when they slam, sealing me off from the one person I most needed, locking me out in a world of confusion and fear all alone, and without a map.

I stare at the stone doors as I try to process everything that just fucking went wrong here.
There's obviously nothing I could say or do to convince him at this moment, so I might as well just leave, as much as it hurts me, I have other people to find, other people who cared just as much as he did.
Maybe they can help me piece together what happened, maybe they'll believe me.
They have to believe me.