All I Wanna Do | Danny Amendola

Chapter 20

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I sniffled as I pulled the sheets up higher so they were tucked under my chin. I still couldn't believe it. It couldn't be. There was no way that I was pregnant. No way. I was on birth control. I never missed a day...Not eve-... I choked on my breath.

My bachelorette Party...I had not that morning because the girls dragged me out too fast. I hadn't taken it and I didn't have it packed...

Bile began making its way up my throat. I slid from the bed and quickly moved into the bathroom where I fell to my knees and began to retch into the toilet.

This was all my fault. I was so negligent. I didn't notice my body was changing.

My fingers curled around the toilet seat, giving it a death grip as I continued to throw up. As I began to dry heave, I rested my head against the edge of the bowl.

This is what my life had come to. I lost my baby that I didn't know about. The one that I killed with my negligence... I couldn't even look at my husband. And I couldn't even muster the energy to move around the house.

After flushing the toilet, I got up and washed my hands. I could faintly see my reflection due to the light seeping in under the shade at the window. I shook my head. That wasn't me. 

I ducked my head and rubbed the cold water on my face. When I looked up, I was hoping to see me again, but no. All I saw was a woman that was a complete mess. One that had their life flipped upside down.

The world I was in was one of blackness. I'd been home for 12 hours and all I could do was stare ahead of me. I was numb. I didn't want to say a thing. Or deal with anybody.

It was no use. There was nothing I could do differently.

I slid into bed and stuffed my head under my pillow. This is where I belonged. In bed. Not contributing to the world. It was clear that I was incompetent and couldn't contribute to the world.

Tears pulled from my eyes as I held the blankets closer to me. 

** Danny's POV **

I pulled the pumpkin but from the oven and turned the oven off. I stood there and stared at the pie for a second. It was Jamie's favorite. And I knew she would need to eat something eventually.

It was now 11:30 in the morning and she still hadn't come out from the bedroom. I didn't know what to do. I didn't want to bother her, but I wanted to make sure she was okay.

I longed to hear her voice. We got home at 8pm and the last thing I heard her say was a small "thank you" when I helped her out of the car.

She seemed so broken. And I didn't know what to do. I couldn't help her. I was hurt, but it was clear she was hurt so much more than me.

When the doctor had told her, she didn't believe a word. Just like I hadn't. But, once looking back at me and the mess I was, it registered.

It hurt to see her the way she was, lying in the hospital bed looking so weak— having no control over the situation.

My heart hurt to see her in such a state. I knew that she still didn't want kids at this point... But seeing her react the way she did— it was genuine. She wanted kids. She wouldn't have cared so much if she didn't want them.

I sat down on the couch and brought my hands up to my hair, pulling at it. I wasn't sure if I should've confronted her, but I felt the need to check on her at the very least.

The toilet flushing down the hall pulled me out of my thoughts. At least she was awake. I pushed myself off the couch and slowly shuffled down the hallway. When I got to our bedroom door, I lightly knocked and pushed it open a bit.

"Jame?" I asked as I looked toward the bed.

Her figure was lying there, facing away from me in the dark room.

"Jamie? Babe?" I spoke up a bit, trusting my voice a bit more.

A sniffling sound came from the bed and my heart broke once again. I made my way into the room and sat down on my side of the bed.

"Jame, I don't expect you to be okay," I mumbled. "This is a hard time. For you... For me... Well get through this."

"She just wasn't meant to be," I whispered. "But she will always be apart of both of u-..."

"Shut up," she let out. "Just shut the fuck up. Leave me alone. I don't want to hear it. I don't want to deal with you. I don't want to deal with it."

"But Ja-..."

"No! Just leave me alone, Danny! What do you not get from that?" She sat up and looked at me. Her tear streaked face was apparent in the light coming from the hall. "Get your small ass up and walk on those feet of yours and leave me the fuck alone!"

I sucked in a deep breath and nodded. I didn't want to fight. "Fine. I'm sorry for trying to help you."

I held myself together to get out of the room. When I got back to the living room I burst into tears.

She hated me. She absolutely hated me.

Panic began to rise in my chest as I realized that this could be it. Our marriage was in jeopardy.

Tears pulled from my eyes as I shakily reached for my phone. I needed someone to talk to. Someone that could help me. Someone that could help me get things off my chest.

I hit his name as my cries became sobs. I brought my phone up to my ear and let my eyes fall shut as I leaned back into the couch.

"Hey Dola." Julian answered on the second ring. "What's up?"

"I-I need... She hates me, man." Was all I could get out. "She hates me."

"I'm on my way. I'm picking you up. Be ready."