The Hollowed

Chapter 2

I tried to end it you know..
I tried a few times but I kept telling myself to give it another chance...
Another chance....
Just one more chance....

Cutting took the edge off.
I never cut to deep,so that the scars wouldn't show that much.But I cut deep enough to hurt,deep enough to remind myself....a slice for every fact thrown in my face..

One slice;

For how useless I am,

Another,(don't worry,I just scraped my arm);

For how stupid I am,

Another,but a little deeper;

For how insignificant my life is,

Another,(Haha,the cat scratched me);

For what a waste of money and space I am,

Another;

..for the big inconvenience I've always been

And one more;

.....for not loving myself more.

I used to be religious.But i stopped believing in god a long time ago,or rather the fact that he doesn't care.

My sister forces me to go to Youth on Fridays.I hate it there, all the smiling faces,all the pretenders,and the biggest pretender of all,my sister.

Oh how I love how she preaches to everyone about right and wrong,how she wants to help others in need...
                        But...

   

                  Here I am......

                  . . .Drowning because of you.

I can't blame her for everything.Its also my fault.

My fault.

I hate myself so much, how do you describe to someone that burning,choking hatred?

I shouldn't be here.

                     Im worthless

But no one cares,no one looks,no wants to do the effort to help me.

I....I hate myself for everything.
I hate myself for not feeling
I hate myself for not trying
I hate myself for not caring about myself like i should.
And I hate the hollow nothing in my chest.

I want to fix myself, I want someone to see how broken I am.

I want to get rid of all this hollowness and the numbness.

I want to take off my mask and crush it under my shoes.

I want to truely smile

I want to be happy......

But I...
          Just....
             ...keep
                   Sinking....
                            ....down.

Im drowning and i can't see the surface of the water anymore,
I can't see the sunshine rays dancing through the water.

Im empty,cracking further every second.

Just...

Save...

Me.