See ya!(Kuroken)

Une Falaise

If only I knew we were falling together

These days he's been taking so much notes for the upcoming chemistry exams. Though he has been acting strange.

"Oh what's this?"

"Eh?! Uh nothing obviously just notes y'a know? Uhm if you want I can show you later" He widened his eyes, looking everywhere else but me.

"Ah okay" I answered not feeling so curious despite his terrible lies. I also didn't have the energy to say anything more.
Since then, I started noticing more and more how he hid the papers. It caught my eyes and my attention, as time went by, he was getting shyer.

"Sorry Kenma today I gotta go with Bokuto do something." Kuro told me with a soft smile, as he went to touch my hair gently.

"Don't be, it's not like it'll change anything" I said trying my best to hide my sadness. I hate him, I hate myself for feeling like this. Ew.

"Aha I figured you'd say that" He laughed but it came more like he was nervous. I shrugged it off and walked home alone.
Just like I did before meeting him.
Who would have thought I'd feel this lonely without him by my side? As much as I don't want to admit it, he does take a place somewhere in my heart.

Then the next day he also had an excuse, the day after and after..for two weeks I walked home without him, I was fine at first. Then I kept trying to think about something else than him but it wouldn't work. I missed his laugh, the sparkles in his eyes as he talked to me. His warm hugs.
Damn it.

"Hey Kenm-" He stopped talking when I turned around expecting him to repeat the same lame excuses he used for two weeks. I can't blame him right? It's my fault for feeling this way, for letting him get too close. I should've pushed him away before liking it. Like I normally do.

"What" I asked in pure confusion as he looked at me blankly. It looked like he didn't understand the most obvious thing in the world. "Why did you stop talking?"

"...nothing actually. Though you do know I'll go somewhere with Bokuto right?" I didn't answer, I could've nodded at least but I didn't have the energy, only thought about it for a second and dropped the idea.

"'Kay" I finally answer now turning around.

"Hey Kenma" I frowned and just didn't step forward not wanting to turn again. "Please take care of yourself? I'll come by tomorrow morning and bring you breakfast. I hope you sleep well." I was surprised by his words, actually in shock. I had thought he didn't care anymore? Do I look that bad? Now that I remember, I don't recall looking in a mirror in a while. Maybe I went to far. What am I thinking? There's no overboard with me when it comes to lack of sleep. I'm used to it.. well I was.
I didn't reply, just because I didn't have the energy to. I started walking home not looking back at him.
When I got there, the first thing I did was rush over to the toilet to take a good look at myself.
My eyes caught them, my bags under my eyes are back. My skin was also paler than I had noticed, my face slightly slimmer.

"Now is this pretty?" I mumbled staring at myself blankly not knowing what to think.

"Kenma?! Kenma are you back?" I heard my mother's voice call annoyingly from the kitchen, I suppose. My mind was too busy thinking about dumb stuff I didn't realize the cars on our parking. Shoot.

"Yeah!" I sighed and took my bag to bring it in my bedroom, plopping it on my messy bed. I looked at it in despair and got another call from my mother. "I'm coming!"

"Hey Kenma! Come here now, your mother has been calling you for too long" My father said in a deep scary tone. I got used to it obviously with time even though there are rare times I see them. They don't even feel like family. At least I don't feel like what other people say about their families. Support, love. I just can feel their disappointment and sadness every time they're here so I do enjoy their absence.

My string of thoughts got cut by the sound of stomping towards my room. My eyes widened and I froze, my back still facing the doorframe. I didn't know what to do when they stopped behind me.
Since nothing happened I panicked and turned around catching my father's glare. My eyes widened and he swung his arm up to grip my hair and tug it harshly down before dragging me out.
I was taken aback, it did hurt, but my eyes got wet because I was scared. I bit my lip but didn't say anything since I felt guilty and knew it wouldn't change anything but make my situation worse if I told him to stop. I tried the classic 'stop! Stop daddy it hurts! Stop please!' When I was around eight already. So I know damn well it won't change anything haha.

"Look at this. Look at this guy." I heard my dad say with huge disgust as he threw me in front, to expose me to my mother. I knew he was angry and sad. I knew my mom felt sad and bad about me. Probably thinking 'this poor kid needs help, please cure him dear god. His homosexuality as well, he's such a sinner I didn't raise him like that'. Yeah, I never talked a single word about my sexuality because I haven't figured it out yet and it would be too much to think about. Anyway we're all humans, liking different things, why should this have a name? To be hated? Admired? Being taken as an option for desperate ones hoping it might work since most people seem to be 'straight'? Nah. She just guessed because I let my hair grow and never had a girlfriend, only best friends who I had a suspicious past with.

"Oh god, what happened to you Kenma?" She started sobbing, I looked at her cry in her hands, not facing me anymore. My tired eyes decided to change to a different sight. The window, Kuro and Bokuto walking right past my house. My heart felt heavy.

"Go take a bath, we're having dinner soon." My dad said in an expressionless tone.
So I turned around, planning on laying on my bed, waiting for them to notice I didn't do as demanded so I get beaten up. I might as well just sneak out but I don't have the energy to. "What a disgrace" He mumbled when I started walking.

I rubbed my eyes and plopped on my bed after having locked the door. My breath was getting heavier, why does my head feel like it's gonna explode?
I won't cry, they don't deserve my tears.

7:55PM