See ya!(Kuroken)

Un mur invisible

Snow feels warm with you

I was staring at the wall blankly, just taking a break from thinking. I'm being too dramatic with my emotions, what happened this week was nothing. I'm alright, just pretending to seek more attention than needed, right? Yeah that must be it, that's why I'm now enjoying the sight of the clean wall in front of me.

"Kenma?" I frowned at the familiar voice and turned around meeting Akaashi.

"Oh long time no see"

"Indeed" He chuckled and we started walking to class together. I was surprised he didn't ask what the hell was I doing right before but I was also relieved. We spent the whole day together, sometimes we would see Bokuto and Kuro far away but he wouldn't ask if I wanted to join them. Maybe he knows something? Am I overthinking it? Would it bother me?
Then, when he left to go home, I was once again, awkwardly waiting beside the oh so familiar tree. That was before I realized there was no Kuro to wait for. I felt so stupid for that, but who to blame? I'm not looking for a guilty. So I just shrugged it off telling myself that someday I will stop. It was just so automatic, I'm sure that's why Kuro kept telling me he wouldn't walk with me. He probably felt bad seeing me stand there, I feel disgusting.
I had boundaries with him that I didn't respect and now I'm suffering from it. I just shrug off the pain like it was nothing, like I did all my life. Why is this feeling harder? Because it's been a while since my parents ever touched me? I wasn't used to that almost not even familiar hand on my hair. He had stopped for around three years ago, since I met Kuro. Maybe it's shocking me. Though I should have been used to it. Prepared.

While turning around I accidentally locked eyes with Bokuto. He smiled and waved, didn't seem so cheerful like he usually is. Maybe even such an energetic looking owl like him has that kind of mood. As my eyes went back to in front of me, I caught a glimpse at something that made me want to puke.
Kuro was talking to girl with the same eyes he used to have for me.
I didn't know how to feel. I felt half happy because he didn't like such a horrible person like me, I felt bad for selfish reasons.

I didn't deserve him anyway.
Enjoy Kuro.
That girl has nice long hair. I know you like long hair.

I rushed home, now making sure there's no car around that could be my parents's and I barged inside my house. My head felt light, my heart felt heavy. I figured that this super messy house wouldn't help me settle my mind or my feelings so I started cleaning. Where did I get that energy from? Probably the whole time I didn't move so much. I predicted that I might be crying later, already preparing myself mentally.
As I cleaned I found a notebook.
It's not mine but it does look like the one Kuro had the other days he was hiding something.

Method #1

I raised an eyebrow, this might just be some weird stuff? I opened the first page.

So I started this knowing Kenma probably doesn't feel the same way. It's gonna help me stop worrying about it! I'll learn to enjoy without thinking too much.

Woah earlier he really did something to my heart- frick

Yeah he totally is perfect, a cutie pie

His eyes look so pretty I'm drawn to them

Today he did say something bold-a hint? Nah this isn't about it lol

Damn Kenma you make my heart beat too fast it's not healthy

Seeing him smile is the softest thing I could ever ask for

I'll protect this kitten

There were so much more. I didn't quite know what was this all about but I do know it made me blush. Should I give it back to him?
Remembering our relationship right now, I don't know if it's a good time.
If it's not now then it'll never be.
So, a) should I got to bathroom and cry my eyes out or b) I go knock at his door and leave this.
I decided to just throw it away, which wasn't really in the options I had in mind but it did come impulsively.
I ended the day with a session of hot tears falling down my cheeks as I had finally found the amount of energy necessary to cry since if I would've done that before, I would have died from lack of energy. I didn't sleep enough, didn't eat enough, didn't sleep enough, didn't eat enough, didn't- ugh and it goes on and on. My problem? Good question this is actually pretty common in my opinion so no I don't have any problem sir.
I'm fine alone anyway, I don't need anybody around. Kuro's just the same as anyone else. A human. Just the sound of it is repulsive. So I came to the sweet conclusion that what I felt towards him was built up hatred. Just kidding, I still hate him though.

"Hey Kuro!" I shouted at him when I saw him pass by my house once again to get to the one just beside mine. Meaning his, obviously.

"Kenma?"

"I found your little notebook thing. I'm just telling you straight away, you're right. It's impossible to be with me. I have many reasons but none of them are about homosexuality. Just live your Life, find love, love yourself, help me- oops. Do what you want, just know you had a huge place in my heart before I even knew it. Feel honoured or I'll haunt you. I did fall in love hard for you, I didn't realize it, didn't want to admit it. I saw it as admiration. You're a good guy. Still a human and I don't do humans. Kuro You're handsome and so freaking perfect go on with your life I'll watch out for you. I'm very grateful for all the..the help you gave me, I never asked for it, I couldn't feel guilty. Don't feel guilty okay, you did super great . You made my life easier, they stopped the violence for the time I hung out with you. Honestly thank you so much!" I yelled with tears discretely sliding down my cheeks. I have enough anyway. I was panting as I tried to control my voice, trying to not let it break in sadness.
"I'll be the angel looking over you haha.. If I ever go to heaven that is kitty." It does sound like a good bye. Well guess what!? It is!
I noticed the face he made when he realized it. "I'm..I'm happy don't worry. You make me happy Kuro. I-" I gulped and looked over at the dark and sparkly sky. So much stars right now. Such a beautiful sight. It's the perfect night.
For a love confession that is. Haha you thought!
"I'll join the sky at night! You better see me shine or else I'll transform into a meteor and crush you! Just kidding haha. I'm not that violent"

Autumn was the perfect season to fall in love, winter to me is the perfect season to shoot my shot and get it over with.

"Kenma, Kitten, please."

'But it hurts!' Was what I wanted to shout back. I'm probably already bothering the whole neighbourhood by now.

"Hug me one last time?" I asked happily, why did I feel this way? Excited maybe.
Kuro ran over to me, barged inside and had me in between his arms for the last time.

"You won't go to heaven because you're staying here. I'm not letting you do anything."

"Kuro you cute idiot, I took pills , I knew you would say that. Haha."

"Eh-what?! You did what?"

"I'm just kidding!"

"Are you serious? Are you for real?" He panicked and looked at me with glassy eyes.

"No..now this is embarrassing. Don't let me go though. Please." Kuro tightened the hug, making me feel even more loved. I felt good, forgetting about all the problems I had. Obviously though, the pills had to act up at some moment.
"We'll meet in the stars alright? Where the sky is the best looking because we're like that tehe...

See y'a !"

"S-See y'a? Don't leave me Kenma! Do-"

9:49PM