I Love You, I'm Sorry

Mission

Where should i start? I can't just ask Potter where the hell has she been all this time. It would be very obvious that something's up since Potter get curious easily, he can't know yet.  Potter must've known what i did, he'll get suspicious and that's probably the last thing i want. At this point of time, being caught was the last thing i want. I had to do whatever it took to make sure that my son will live. But then how will i explain this to Potter, he must know this, but i can't ask his help yet, i need to get to Hermione first without the help of Potter.

Honestly, I haven't heard of her since the Hogwarts battle, Potter hasn't even mentioned her either, well he did, but just once. I don't even know where to start. He doesn't even tell me anything about her or Weasle, he's a very private person. All we talked about was me, my situation, or anything that is work-related. For god sake where should i start, i don't have any information about her, i don't even know how much did Potter knows about Hermione and I. I just cant explain whatever i did back then again.

Where should i start? Come on Malfoy think. If Rodolphus really said that Hermione is in here, then that means he's right. She is still here, because if she left he would've told me right? If she's here, I have to start to think of places she might crash, except the Weasley's residence, it's not like i can walk in the front door and ask where the heck is she. Or maybe should i go to the place where i found her? She seemed to be familiar with this place already, she knew where she was going back on that day. Maybe it's been her getaway place for years, should i go check?

I decided to apparated to Diagon Alley and follow the trail where Granger and i met, when i bumped to her the other day. I still sort of forgot where is this secret bench fountain thing, but i believed my instincts, i knew she headed this way. After a few minutes of wandering where to go, hoping that i won't get lost because i never been here, if i wasn't following Granger that day, i wouldn't even know this place existed.  I finally arrived at the place that i believed was the spot where Granger cried the other day after a few moments of wandering around.

At first, i wanted to go sit on that bench and wait, but i don't think it's a very good idea because if she came and saw me, I'm afraid that she would freak out and probably just go away or probably apparate to god knows where and it'll loose my chance of seeing her. It'll might blow the whole thing right?  i think staying at my usual spot would be the best option right now. 

I kept waiting and waiting, hoping that she would appear to this spot. I was running out of options, i didn't want to meet Potter at this moment because i'm not in the mood to socialize. God please Granger please show up, my son's life depends on it.

After a few moments of waiting i decided to go home, it's been 2 hours and she hasn't shown up, maybe another day. Today is just not the day for Granger to come here. Im starting to run out of options, i visited the library, the leaky cauldron but she wasn't there or maybe she's in the muggle world? Maybe, I dont even know. It's a lot bigger because there are 114 countries, she could've been anywhere.

I started to feel concern, those feelings keeps popping in my head which makes me tormented whether i should do this or not, my heart and brain keeps battling which is very disturbing and makes me stumped.

Was i doing the right thing? Keepin' my son safe by handing over Potter's precious friend to the death eater? Gods it sucks that i had zero people to talk to or consult to about this. This isn't an easy decision, we are talking about handing over someone's life in order to save others. Death Eater made no promises i bet things could get worse. Shit.

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The mission succeed, their mission succeed to be exact. Dumbledore is dead in the hands of Snape. We were supposed to gather at the Malfoy Manor after we went to Hagrid's hut but i told them i want to be alone. I dont want to be near my aunt, thank god she understands, no matter how cruel she is (not that i defend her) she still understands that i'm still too young to be a death eater and witnessing deaths in front of my eye was torturing, thank god she bought my lies. 

The school grounds and it's environment gave different vibes after the death of Dumbledore, it was dark, the sky, the halls, it's lifeless. Everybody is mourning right now. I hurried my steps, walking to the place that has been my destination to meet her, Hermione Granger. I asked her to meet me at 11pm, but now i didn't know whether she's going to keep that promise after what happened, i just wished i could come because i'm not going to be with her after this. I waited for10 minutes when i hear footsteps, at first i thought it was an auror patroling because i knew Mcgonaggal would doubled the protection of Hogwarts after what happened earlier, but i was wrong, it was her. When i saw her from afar, i couldn't hold my tears, i tried my best to wipe it down, because i know nothing is going to be easy after this.

"I thought you left already" Hermione being Hermione, not even a greeting when she meets me.

"How did you-" I asked

"H-Harry told me" There was silence for a while "...Everything" Oh god i was so dead.

"Do you hate me?" I asked, daring myself to look at her in her eyes. "After what he told you?" I was expecting a yell or a punch or something but

"No" Oh god why is she so pure, tears started running through her eyes but she tried her best to speak normally "Harry said you lowered your wand" 

"Hermione stop, you dont have to do that" I said

"Do what?" She asked 

"Thinking positive, i almost killed someone, i was assigned, you can't be with someone like me" I snapped

"You are just a kid who didn't have a choice, Draco there's a difference!" She snapped back, okay, she won, i stayed silent

"You're leaving aren't you?" She asked 

"Yeah and i bet you do too" I answered

"Are you going to..." I couldn't finish the words

"yeah, with Ron and Harry" I nodded, because even though i hate Potter and Weasel, i know that she'll be safe with them.

"Make sure to have a lot of food stocks, dont get too tired"  I said while holding tears

"You too, and dont rely on alcohol too much" she said because she knew i always use alcohol to forget the pain. I nodded and then i walked back carefully to leave but when i turned my back i could her her soundless sobbs, that's when my tears broke. I went back and put her in my arms, her sobs became louder and louder, that's when i couldn't even hold my tears anymore, we both cried in each others arms hysterically at that time.

"Please stay like this for a while" I said, god i'm going to miss this kinds of warmth, why cant i just be together with her and live a normal life? I dont mind fighting death eaters like the rest of the students here with her, i just still cant stand being a death eater and will attack my own friends here.

"Lets just put ourselves through hard times way too much okay?" I hugged her way tighter and she just nodded while sobbing, i didn't know whether I'll survive this or not but i just hope that she understands my actions because i wasn't as lucky as hers or POtter or Weasel who was born on the right family.

"Please take care of yourself, i promise I'll come get you after this"  I knew that it was way too wrong for me to do this, i held her waist and the other hand was at the back of her head, i leant forward and there's when our lips met, for the first time. It wasn't a quick kiss, our lips moved in sync while tears keep coming out from the both of our eyes.

"I love you, i never stopped loving you ever since the day i laid eyes on you, I'm sorry i never tell you this before, i know i dont deserve to love you but-"

"I love you too, Draco, always have and always will" She smiled 

I gave her one last tight hug and before i apparate i gave her a quick peck on her forehead, her hand and her lips and take a look at her one last time, in case we didn't make it. Not that we're going to day, i am very optimist that the both of us will survive, but i doubt our relationship will, things will be far from easy and i know she will not forgive me after this, that's why i know our goodbyes were sealed that night 

after dumbledore's death.