𝙃𝙤𝙢𝙚𝙒𝙧𝙚𝙘𝙠𝙚𝙧 [ＢＫＤＫ]

chapter twenty one

So those two days passed. Izuku and Katsuki didn't spend much time together, they worked together, and carpooled. But it was so silent. The radio wasn't much of a distraction from their ongoing fight. 

But Izuku didn't look angry, he just looked sad, disappointed. 
Katsuki.. was angry. He was angry with himself. 
They hardly talked, small talk, awkward drives, no more jokes. Neither of them wanted this. 

Katsuki was burdened with guilt, he didn't have time to think about how Izuku felt. 

Izuku felt just as strange, but not as bad. 
He felt idiotic, he felt insane, to ask so much of a married man. He wanted to regret kissing him that night, or letting him into his life. It started with friends, then drunken kisses, then gestures of love, a crush. 
Now he had embarrassment, and jealousy. 

He didn't want to put pressure on something new, but he was so jealous. 
Of his husband. 

His husband that got to hold his hand, spend nights with him. He got to see him in the mornings, he got to have all his memories. Good memories, nothing embarrassing, no fights or rough past. It was perfect, they were perfect together. 

And he hated that. 
Katsuki loved somebody, he loved somebody for the things Izuku couldn't do. 

What they had in common though, was worrying about Katsuki loving somebody else. 

He wasn't angry, he didn't want to hate him. He just felt sad, when he looked at him from across the room, or thought about him. He wanted something else to think about, even to stress about. It was.. almost making him angry. 

Though, he wanted to be mature about it. 
He wanted Katsuki to think.
Because Izuku knew he was the one being crazy, all he was was upset. 

The morning when they had to leave was the same. Katsuki didn't even try talking to him, but Izuku did his best to be understanding. 

The plane ride was normal, everything was normal. It was only a little bit of a setback. 

Izuku kept thinking, though. That's all he did, lately. He thought about Katsuki. 
He couldn't stop smiling when he did, when he should be angry at him. Even he knew he deserved it. 

He wanted to say it out loud. That he felt the exact same way about him, maybe more. He knew he'd stutter, or say something else, he had the issue since high school. 

Katsuki was adorable to him. He didn't care about gender, or their past, he wanted to build their relationship. He wanted to keep seeing him, he wanted to ride with him on the way home, when they landed. 

To hold hands with him on walks, to get ice cream and run errands. Admire him, touch his hair, kiss his forehead. But he was far from that, if the one time he told him how he felt.. turned into a fight. 

He always thought of plans, not ways to invade his life, but be apart of it. He was so embarrassed to say, but he wanted Katsuki to keep loving him, the way he already started. 

The small amount of love he already gave was surreal, and he wanted more. It wasn't his fault, it definitely wasn't. All he wanted was one chance, it felt like an addiction. 

Izuku couldn't stop smiling, and he was embarrassed to know he was blushing. Katsuki was sitting far away on the plane, and all he could ask for was to see his face, even say hello. He was scared how fast he was falling. 

Neither of them were sure if they wanted to be in this, or give it up.

a/n: I should be sleeping but thank god for coffee I suppose. Anyways pumping out chapters hope you guys like em. They're kind of sad but..  still good