Never Let Me Go (Emison)

Chapter 4: Kiss Me

*Alison's POV*

When I was younger I was always told I cared too much by the people who truly knew me. I'd cry when I dropped my favorite stuffed animal because I didn't want it to get hurt. I would completely break down if I thought my mother was sad. When I came out in high school and lost half of my friends I thought I'd never mend the crack that tore into my heart.

I did, though. I finished stitching myself up and threw away the needle and thread because I thought that maybe the "caring too much" would end. Then my sister died. The crack that tore into the surface of my heart ripped all of the way through and I was left in pieces. I definitely thought I'd never care again in a world so cruel. I spent a lot of time matching the world and being unnecessarily cruel to people after that. I even convinced myself that I had become heartless for a while before I realized I was doing it because I was hurting.

Eventually, I realized all the pain had hardened me and I finally got the help I needed to cope with the loss I had faced. I vowed to live a different life than I ever had before. First, I was going to help people as much as I could. Secondly, I promised to let myself feel whatever I felt without judgment in an effort not to bottle things up. Lastly, I would treat life like the precious gift it was and not take a single moment for granted.

Even with my new outlook on life, nothing went back to the way it was before. I didn't care for myself as much- I'd been to hell and back and I didn't need to. Instead, I cared for others more deeply than ever before. I didn't want anyone to feel anywhere close to an ounce of the pain that I felt, or had caused, ever again.

That is why I had to use my hands to support my body weight as I leaned against the long sink in the scrub room. After 6 hours in what was supposed to be a routine surgery, I nearly lost the little boy who was being carted to the ICU. My entire body had gone numb as a cold feeling hit me from head to toe. Dr. Montgomery came through the automatic doors from the OR and I could feel her pity without her having to voice it. Anytime we almost lost a patient there was a one in ten chance of this happening.

"Are you okay?" Her soft voice broke the silence. I took a deep breath before turning my head towards her and nodding weakly. "He's alive, Ali. And he's going to stay that way." She reassured me.

"I know...I know. It's just..." My sentence trailed off as my mind went to all of the worst-case scenarios. "I almost took away someone's brother. Someone's son... All of that pain would've been on me." Aria shook her head no and didn't let me carry on any further.

"Even if, Ali... All you try and do is give people the best chance they have. You gave that boy life. It wasn't you who tried to take it away- you fought whatever forces were against him and kicked their asses out of the door." She said seriously. "You saved that little boy's life. You saved someone's brother." Her hand found my shoulder and squeezed it reassuringly.

I knew she was right. I'm not sure what caused him to tank during that surgery, but I do know it wasn't anything Aria or I did. We aren't in the business of 'almosts' and I needed to be focused on the facts. Fact number one: I'm not leaving the hospital tonight in case something happens to that little boy. I loudly groaned as I began scrubbing out and washing my hands. Aria's eyes widened as she scrubbed her hands as well.

"Was it something I said?" She joked. The sound of the soap brushes against our skin was so loud that she had to amplify her voice. I honestly wasn't sure how we even had skin left below our elbows.

"I can't leave now." I whined. "I'm going to have to cancel on Emily." If I wasn't sad before I was absolutely miserable now. I heard Aria scoff and I looked over at her with my brows furrowed in confusion. "What?" I asked. Her eyebrows shot up as if I was missing something.