Clarity ~ m.c.

•Chapter 30•

Playlist:

Midnight City- M83

Bring Me to Life- Evanescence

Heartache on the Big Screen- 5 Seconds of Summer

***Lauren's POV***

The past few days have been unreal; so far I'm one of the top 5 gymnasts in the competition. Today was the biggest day I've been most excited about, floor exercise. I had all my songs picked out for today,

Irresistible- Fall Out Boy

First Date- Blink-182

Break the Rules- Charlie XCX

Tomorrow I chose,

Geronimo- Shepard

Until It's Gone- LINKIN PARK

Today I was the top gymnast on floor, I just get so lost in the music, and I love it. It made it a million times better that I wasn't getting deducted for my music choices. I mean there are no lyrics or singing and it's the right time lengths that we're allowed to have; I've meat all the requirements in order to use them. Now thanks to using some of my favorite songs by my two favorite artists, Blink-182 & Fall Out Boy I'm the lead opponent to beat.

My group had a break right now while some of the other groups went. So now my group and other groups had a lunch break and could talk to our families. As soon as I walked out of the locker room I was greeted by not only my family, but Ashton's, Calum's, Luke's and Michael's families as well and Geordie and Ethan were there too. But the guys weren't there. As soon as they all saw me they cheered and started hugging me, congratulating me on how well I was doing. We all walked over to a big table in the cafeteria of the arena.

"So where are the guys?" I asked while taking a bit from my sandwich and no one answered. They all looked around like they didn't want to answer me or pretended they did hear me.

God ever since Michael and the guys left everyone has been treating me so differently, thinking that I'll get so upset about them being gone. And recently it seems like they all know something I don't. I know tour was supposed to start today or tomorrow, but they didn't come home like they said they would. And like usual no one talked about the tour or the details about it or anything to me. Like I could understand if something extremely important came up that they weren't necessarily allowed to come home it being cut close to tour and everything.

"Where are the guys?" I asked again.

"In LA still." Mrs. Clifford told me.

"But they said they would be here, Michael said that they were going to come home, he promised they would be here ." I said.

"Lauren didn't they tell you?" Mrs. Irwin asked me.

"Tell me what? Michael told me that they had to push back when they were coming home for a few days." I said.

"Well they told us last week that they weren't going to be able to come home because of how much work still needs to get done before they leave for Japan." Mrs. Hood said.

"Wait you've known for a week? I just talked to Michael the other day. . . Why wouldn't he tell me!?" I said. "He lied to me." I said to myself, more like a statement than a question.

"I'm sorry sweetheart there must have been some confusion." Mrs. Irwin explained.

Wow this is just great; he didn't even have the balls to tell me the truth. Unbelievable, he could have just told me that they wouldn't have been able to come home? I wouldn't have gotten mad, I would have understood.

"Why didn't anyone tell me?" I asked sounding upset, being more annoyed at the fact that EVERYONE has known this for quite some time and didn't even bother to mention it to me.

"You had tryouts coming and we didn't want you to get upset and be distracted then mess up your tryout." Aunt Sue told me quietly.

"I would have understood if they told me they couldn't have come! I'm upset because Michael didn't tell me the truth and lied saying that they were still going to come along with the fact that no one told me!" I explained.

"Where are you going?" Aunt Sue asked me concerned as I stood up from my seat.

"I just remembered I have to go give them the CD to play my third song for floor exercise." I lied. Well actually I didn't lie I had to go see the technicians, but I was going to give them a new song to play for my third song. Plus I couldn't look at the people who know the guys weren't coming back and didn't tell me.

***

Standing in the center of the floor mat, I stood there frozen in a position waiting for the music to start playing. Then over the loud speakers Don't Forget by Demi Lovato came on instead of Break the Rules by Charlie XCX, it being the song really describes how I'm feeling at the moment.

Did you forget that I was even alive? Did you forget everything we ever had? Did you forget? Did you forget? About me?

Did you regret (did you regret) Ever standing by my side. Did you forget (did you forget) what we were feeling inside? Now I'm left to forget, about us.

The lyrics started playing in my head as I did the routine I had prepared as a backup. I poured my heart out into this routine, landing every flip, perfecting every turn; making sure this was my best performance in the competition yet. I know this routine inside in out, it was like second nature to me, so knowing it so well, it was one of the only places I couldn't be bothered and actually think.

What makes him think it is okay for him to lie about this? He gave me false hope that they were still coming home even if it was so close to tour.

Was any of it really?

How could he think he could actually get away with lying to me?

Does he even care?

Why do people think it's okay to lie and hide things from me?

Why?

Why?

WHY!

The only question running through my head . . . Why. Why would you do this to me Michael? It's so pathetic though because it's not a humongous problem, but when someone promises me something they better keep that promise and when you EXPECT someone to come home like they said they would and they don't, it hurts. I've had enough of people lying and not coming back and hurting me; I'm done.

I could feel my emotions build up inside of me as I made the last run, throwing my body up into the air and sticking the landing in the opposite corner. Completing the routine, I walked off the mat and down the stairs of the stage as clapping and cheering roared around me, but I had all of it blocked out. I was sniffling from my nose running after my thoughts over powered my emotions.

"That wasn't the song we planned to perform." Brendan said to me quietly as I pulled on my mom's jacket and waited for my score to come up. "Are you okay?" he asked me seeing that I looked upset.

"I'm fine." I said sounding a little too depressed than I should have.

"Are sure because that was the most amazing performances I have seen in a long time and you're acting like you hated it and it was nothing." He explained to me.

"Brendan I don't want to talk about it right now." I calmly stated. That's when my score came up on the board, 15.600. The room boomed in cheering and a smile grew on my face, while Brendan gave me a big hug. Don't get me wrong I'm ecstatic I got such an amazing score, but it feels bitter sweet when that routine was one of Michael's favorite floor routine I do.

I shook off the thought. I have gymnastics to worry about and that's all I'm going to worry about and think about. No more of this stupid drama in my life, gymnastics is and should be my main concern and that's how it's going to be.