Clarity ~ m.c.

•Chapter 26•

Playlist:

Airplanes- B.o.B ft. Haley Williams

Explosions- Ellie Goulding

Wait- M83

***

My Dearest Family,

Like I've said before and will continue to say life overseas, away from you guys is the worst thing ever. Just to think only three more months until I get to see the four of you and hold all of you in my arms again.

I keep every letter, every picture, every video and every package from you guys. Emily these drawings are beautiful, keep up the good work. Andrew you're computer editing skills have grown so much, you have such a talent. Lauren, I can't wait to see you compete in person again. These videos Andrew sends me of you competing in so many competitions are incredible; you're going to go so far in gymnastics. Whenever I watch them all the other men watch along with me too and are blown away from your talent and abilities. Keep practicing and I know you'll be in the Olympics for sure.

Like normal I can't tell you what I am up too, I have been given special orders along with Dominique's father, that's all I can say about that. No matter what happens know that I love all of you-

I stopped reading, I couldn't take it anymore. Reading the letter from my mom it was too much to handle. Sitting outside, I sat in the grass of my backyard by myself, but any minute now I know someone is going to come out to comfort me considering that as I ran out of the dining room I pushed passed Aunt Sue, Uncle Tom and Michael who were waiting by the entrance to the dining room.

Before anyone could have a chance to come out, I got up and walked to the front yard. I noticed that the military officers had left since the car was gone. Then doing what I do best, I hopped on the trampoline for my best distraction.

"Can I join you?" I heard someone as me mid flip. Landing on my back I looked up to find Dominique leaning against the edge of the trampoline.

"Didn't expect me to be here or did you forget that I helped you with all your problems back home?" she said noticing how confused I must have looked from her standing there because to be honest I wasn't expecting her to help me as she climbed on the trampoline with me.

"Look Lauren getting all this thrown at you years later can't be easy and I know I can't fully understand how you feel, and no one else besides Andrew and Emily can, but I know what it's like having those you love in the military and being told news you don't want to hear and to cherish every little thing you get from them." Dominique explained.

"Dome your dad isn't active duty anymore. He can actually stay home and take care of you guys along with your mom. You don't have to worry about anyone not coming back." I pointed out.

"But I do." She said practically in tears and I looked at her like she was crazy.

"Garrett joined the military." She said.

"What? When?" I asked shocked.

"Few months ago, he's been in boot camp for the past four months. I had to constantly worry about my dad not coming back, now I have to do it all over again with Garrett. I don't know if I can. What if something happens? I can't keep worrying about losing someone or crying about it."

"You can't break up with him; it will kill both of you before anything else does. I know it's hard but it will get better, just enjoy the time you have when he's with you and write him constantly. You can't run away from this Dominique, that's not right."

"Remind you of anybody?" Dominique asked me and I was hit with the realization that I'm a hypocrite. "Just like I can't run away from my problems, you can't keep running away from yours. It doesn't solve anything. I know it may seem like the easiest choice at that moment, but it just prolongs the situation, do you feel better when you do?" she asked me, I shook my head no.

"Exactly. She was doing what she loved; you know how much she loved serving her country. She was saving lives! She saved my dad! Don't let your bitterness of losing her ruin this; these are the last things you have from her, use this as closure Lauren, as if it's your mom telling you that it's okay to move on." Dominique said to me. Next thing you know Dominique is handing me my mom's combat jacket.

"Your mom would have wanted you to have this." Dominique added, then hopped off the trampoline and started walking back towards the house. Dominique didn't make it a few feet when she stopped and turned back towards me.

"You know, I may not know what it's like losing someone close to you like one of your parents, but I do know that if I did, they wouldn't want me to be sulking about it years later. They would want me to enjoy my life and even if it wasn't the best life after they left, she would have wanted you to try to make the best from the new one you were given instead of dragging around the old one you had no matter how hard that maybe." She told me. "But . . . that's just me."

I watched Dominique walk back to the house, leaving me to think about what she had said. She was right, I needed a reality check. Even though what my dad did was really shitty, that was my old life and I was letting it affect my new one. I almost ruined so many opportunities here because I couldn't let go of my past because I was afraid that if I was letting go of my past then I would be letting going of my mom. Now I realized that, that was stupid of me, I could never forget my mom or what happened after she left, but moving on isn't the same as letting go. Moving on is turning the next page of the book, when letting go is stopping altogether.

Putting on the jacket, it was a bit over sized for me but I didn't care. It was one of the last things I had of my mom I was going to cherish it and wear it all the time. Taking a deep breath, her sent still lingered on it, causing me to smile. It was then, in that moment a strong quick breeze whipped through the air, sending shivers down my spine. Yet, I knew it wasn't an ordinary breeze, I could feel her presence.

"Hi mom." I whispered to myself and like that, it was gone.