Dear Neveah,

05. Dear Neveah

Dear Neveah,

There's good news today, Neveah. I wish you were here to see. I'd have loved to see the look on your face. That moment, I got reminded of my pain and loneliness but it's not like I'm willing to share my happiness with anyone, so here I am writing to you again.

Aside that, I'm gladly telling you I'm willing to start doing my literature homework because you're not here to do them and the least I can do for you is do them. Oh, Neveah. It feels like a burden has been lifted off me now but who knows, it's only paving way for either better or worse to come. I'll tell you why I'm delighted now.

Jackson has been transferred to another school in a different town because his dad got a promotion so he's moving with his family. This is the best news we've had since then and you know how long we've been praying for him to leave and now that he has, you're not here to see.

I'm so joyous because I won't have to be seeing his face every day with regrets and sympathy gracing his looks. It makes him so pathetic. Only God knows how much I hate that boy. All the times he used to be a thorn in your flesh, play pranks on us and makes fun of us. I'm just so glad it's over now.

He left a letter in my locker. I wonder how he got my locker combination but I was so lucky I saw him in the act. I couldn't tolerate him for even a second, so yeah, I lashed out on him and called him names I know you wouldn't approve of but I don't regret it either. He's just a sore loser who wants to take his failure out on everyone ready to take his crap. Well, again, I'm overwhelmed with his decision to leave our lives. For good. I didn't even read the letter because I ripped it right in front of him. He should be thankful I didn't wash my hands after.

I need to take a chill pill, I know. I just hate him. Ugh! I wonder how such people got admission into any school. I only pray he gets his fair share of misery. I loathe him that much.

And....guess what. My mum had sent me two tickets to the cinema to watch a premiering comedy show. The best part is she isn't coming along. It feels like I've been blessed with only pathetic people, I wish you were here. I could watch it with you or something and seeing there's no one to go with, I'll go to see the twins. I miss them a lot, especially Bria. So matured and cute. It's been just so long since I last saw them. I sincerely apologise for not being there for them like I promised. I don't know if I can go there without memories of all we had flooding my mind. I may not be able to control myself there. I'm just scared of myself and what I can do.

I might just go over after I finish my take out. You know how much I miss your homemade foods, I wish I learnt a few cooking tips from you. Why didn't tell you you would leave me this soon? Now I have to spend forever ordering takeouts and feeding off restaurants. Nothing homemade. I wish I could also pinch you for leaving me. Ugh!!!

Imagine me hurling my pillows at my door and throwing things apart because that's exactly what I'm doing. I have so many wishes right now but I can assure you that I don't regret knowing you. Ha! You were the best thing in my life and I'll forever be grateful.

I just realized how mum hates me. She buys me two tickets when she's fully aware you're the only one I have and you're gone also. She wants to remind me of all the hurt in not having you here. Oh, Lord!!

When you were here, I never realised all those things but somehow, I wish deep down my heart that my dad will show up and prove me wrong that he loves me. At least, Neveah.

But I believe it's all for the better. Maybe I'm better alone. No family, no friend. No cat even.

I can already see those lines on your face as you scrunch your nose at my pathetic excuse of a joke but I'm serious about it. If you don't want me to join you up there soon, send someone to come keep me company because I'm starting to believe you're an angel now.

Do something about it soon or I'm freaking coming up there. Growing up, we were made to believe after death, you're going to live in a grand mansion with a very large garden. Very beautiful with all the flowers on earth and I'm starting to wonder if that's your reason for taking your own life. To see the beauty beyond. If you wanted to see real beauty, you should've just stood in front of a mirror staring at your self, Neveah.

But is it like that there?

Yours ever,
Alli.