Dear Neveah,

11. Dear Neveah

Chapter song: love the way you lie by Rihanna.

Dear Neveah,

Do people ever know how to shut their mouths and mind their businesses? Why do they always want to poke their noses in the conspiracies of others? I think it's invading the privacy of people and a form of bullying.

Why didn't he stand up for himself? Hearing crude things about him made me insane today and I wish I could defend him but I didn't. How can I care about someone who doesn't care about himself?

The rumours going on in the school about him is getting worse every day and instead of scaring me, it draws me to him more and want to shoo away the bullies who like to make fun of him and the girls who like to make him the centre of their gossip.

I watch how he balls his fists, wanting to fight them away, clenching his jaws so hard that his firm jawline sharpens and makes him more attractive with his fierce angry look but it's not about his looks. It's about how his eyes move from hooded with anger to one of defeat. Releasing his fingers from the tight knot and walking away.

The teacher wasn't in class when he entered the class today so it was practically natural for them to pass rude comments about him.

You should stay a hundred feet away from him, see how creepy he is, I'm sure he eats bowls full of spiders. Layla snickered and her minions laughed.

I bet he's telepathic. He could read what you're saying right now and the next morning, you'll be found dead in your bathtub. Christy warned in a whisper and they all feigned scared looks.

Isn't she scared of him? Birds of a feather, I'm not surprised. Daniella adds and it made me angrier. Can people be any more annoying?

You went through this when you were here and I couldn't even help you. I didn't say anything to stop them. It reminds me so much of Jackson. And I hate him now. All over again.

He had an open black cardigan thrown over his plain white t-shirt and black jeans that had holes in the knees with checkered Vans. I admit that he looked very charming but it sounded like venom hearing compliments from Layla and her minions.

He surely did ignore them but how did he feel inside? Throughout the period, I kept thinking about it. Can I be of any help to him when he hasn't spoken to me yet? Isn't it going to sound too clingy? I decided against asking him but I knew it hurt that no one saw any good in him.

He waited for me to finish my notes and walked with me to the cafeteria to grab lunch. It's weird how I feel more safe than scared around him.

After getting his salad, an apple and a bottle of water, he waited for me till I finished with mine and snatched my tray from my arm, adjusting it in his free arm and walked towards our table without sparing me a look but I knew he had that creepy amused smirk on his face.

Shocked is an understatement of what  I felt that moment. I didn't classify him under the thoughtful guy category. At all. I admit it was sweet when he did that and I felt nice for a second. Who could've thought that Allison Hailey Turner would have someone to do something nice for her? That was a shocker right there, I tell you.

The moment he bowed his head to eat a bevvy of ladies who are not so popular in the book worm department yet so full of themselves decided to pass by our table and hurl insults at us. He lifted his head gracefully and our eyes locked for a second and I promise, I felt all queasy inside. It's not something I'd admit to even myself but I'm telling you because it's true.

He reached out his hand for the first time and touched my hand, still staring at me with his eyebrows hitched a notch higher and amusement swirling in his grey eyes. I swear I blushed that moment but I doubt he saw anything because I ducked my head down but I already knew he had a small smile on his lips. He liked doing that when he's around me and it's irritating. Like a small teasing smirk.

His long fingers graze my hand, sending sparks of electrifying jolts to my brain, heating up my cheeks the more. He grabbed my hand more firmly and pressed it more gently and I raised my head to meet his unfaltering gaze.

What's your story? he asked me in a low calm tone while scrutinizing my face like he was trying to find a treasure. All emotions dropped from his face and I knew it was time. It was time I spoke up about how I feel about things. How bad things have been. How I want to change a lot of things in my life.

Truth is, I'm I ready to talk about it? I know I can't always come to you writing on a piece of paper when I know you can't even hear me or even read anything I'm writing now. I know I have to open up to someone else and get help to end all the emotional battles going on in my head. I know I have to get it all out. Talk all the hurt out.

He looked really serious and it shook a part of me. Why was he interested in my story? Did he also want to make fun of me and tell the whole school tomorrow that my parents don't care about me or I can't get over the fact that I've lost you? That I've lost everything and I have nothing except a bank account to feed twice the school population? I can't risk it again, Neveah. I couldn't risk it. 

I did what I could do that moment and I know it's the easiest way out and that's how I get my problems solved. I always chicken out but deep down I know I have to get this done. I couldn't risk it again. I run out of the cafeteria, drawing a lot of attention from those in the room and I knew he was staring at me leave too. Watching me run away from the nightmare I didn't want to have. Running away when I knew I had to face it.

I know he is starting to care for me and it's scary because I care about him deeply. I knew I started to care for him the first time we locked eyes in the empty hallways. It scared me that time but I didn't guess it'll come to this. Do I want him to care for me? I've been asking myself for long and I don't know what I even want. What is in stock for me when I allow him to allow his caring nature to get to me? He's going to earn my trust and my care and eventually he'll leave. Is that what I want? Do I want him to stay? It all stays fogged up in my head. Lots of unanswered questions I can't even wrap my head around.

Do I give up hoping everything will be fine or I should just give in and allow him into my life when I know he's not going to bring anything good to my life?

He takes up most of my thoughts these days and it's starting to scare me. I don't know what I'm running from and where I'm going. I'm running away from the darkness hovering my life but to where?

Aside from that, Peyton has gone to see the private investigator to find out what happened at the bridge that night you took your own life. Deep down I believe you wouldn't do such a thing to yourself but what evidence do I have to prove it? I hope they find something from that search. I do hope and I swear God if I find anyone responsible, the person won't see daylight anymore.

Yours truly,
Alli.

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