Dear Neveah,

09. Dear Neveah

Dear Neveah,

Why do I always have to be the victim? Or life achieves it's best to hurl the best of its impossibilities and failures at me. No, wait, does it have to be me all the time telling all the sob stories? I'm only lucky you're the only one I tell it to.

Unlike every day, a lot has happened and I'm freaking losing my head right now. You make me wish I'm you every time. Even in your dead state. I wish I died along with you, the only thing holding me back from jumping over the bridge is the stupid fear that crawls all over me. That stupid feeling that tells me to give life another shot. What is it supposed to mean if life has been nothing but unfair to me?

These days, I think mostly about ending my life just like you but it's not about giving up, right? It's about making a difference. Imagine seeing the news with the headline "Girl killed herself weeks after her best friend died because she can't hold on to life.", that's even a crappy headline. It's going to ruin all the other good news. It's going to make the twins sad. Make Peyton sad.

I think about all that, Neveah. Yet you're just so selfish to not think about any of those people. Not even me. I'm starting to get it, Neveah. You think you're being burdened because every time I'm cold, you have to be here for me. When I'm bored, you have to be here. When I don't feel like doing my homework, you have to be the one to make me do it. When I decide to eat cold food, you have to warm it up for me. You clean my room and arrange my closet. Were you tired of doing that?

Well, I never got tired of loving you. If that's all I ever did for you. Hell, you meant the whole world to me.

I was late to school today. Is it news? No, but there's news. Like news, Neveah. Before that, I wish I wasn't thinking so much that I had to oversleep and wake up thirty minutes to the end of the first class. I got to school during second class and I wish I stayed home.

How come no one told me the goddamn transfer students arrived on my birthday. I swear I almost ripped my hair out when I saw one. If I hadn't missed school yesterday, I'd have known, so yeah, my bad.

And Neveah, I detest you for one reason. When I asked for a companion, I didn't ask for a mute dumb jerk. Not one without vocal cords and one who doesn't respect people's privacy.

I'll start from scratch but on the more serious note, I'm starting to think you're a bad guardian angel. True, you answered my prayer but in a very wrong way because I think this just got started. And when I say this, I mean having a creepy guy sitting next to me in class.

Let's start, shall we?

The moment I walked through the glass doors of the classroom block, the tall frame of a person in black caught my attention but it's not like I cared. With my books in hand, I walked right towards the lockers and the more I got closer to him, the more it freaked me out, besides, we were the only ones in the hallway at that time.

What do you think about a guy who is leaning against the wall with his arms tucked in his pockets, earpiece stuck in his ears and one leg crossed in front of the other while the long strands of his hair peek under his hoodie?

Creepy and dangerous, ain't so? Great.

I haven't been more afraid in my life, baby girl. I wish you were there to walk with me but I held my head up high and with my books in my free arm, I amble and the moment I got to where he was standing, I couldn't believe my eyes, Nevaeh.

With my failed attempt of stealing a glance to see who it was, I managed to catch a glimpse of his face but what's worse than having him staring back at me with an intense and deadly gaze burning deep into my skull with his pair of electrifying grey orbs??

He smelled different from a lot of guys, like a mix of several things. Sweat, faint cologne, smoke and another I couldn't make out but it felt more inviting than pushing away. With his unfaltering gaze, I studied him closely and noticed how his face barely showed any emotion. How his lips were pressed together like there was a prize for it. The sweat trickling down his temple and his forehead seemed to give away much like he was working out or was doing a lot of hard work.

Screw the fact that he looks captivating and charming but it seemed to give me more doubts about him. As mysterious and dangerous as he seemed, the part of me that wanted to figure him out outweighed the strong pang in my chest to run away from him all because he had a kind of air around him that didn't seem cool. Like cold and fearful.

Our eyes locked for a second and my brain kicked in, I did the safest thing possible. I run as fast as my legs could carry me to my next class.

All the while, I kept thinking about a lot of things. A lot of things that didn't make me notice when a heavy body plops down beside me, jerking me out of wonderland.

Not to lie but the whole school hates me enough to not sit next to me because of an obvious reason. I'm either going to kill you with scowls, glares or telling you to vacate the space. I don't want to replace you, that should be loud enough.

With my already rehearsed glare on my face, the mysterious guy from before meets me with an emotionless face, unfaltering gaze locking eyes with mine.

For a minute, I thought scowling at him will make him change his mind but I swear I saw the corners of his lips move up in a very creepy smile which made a shiver run down my spine.

Neveah, if this is your doing to mess up with me, then stop. I can't entertain any more creepy guys around me. Leave it as it is. I don't want to go to jail for slapping the creepiness out of him. I barely know his name. Better reverse this Neveah. You can't be playing mean jokes with me even in your dead state.

Yours ever,
Alli.,