If Only (Book 1)

part 20

Laughter.

Loud, harsh, laughter spills out of Sana's mouth. Not even melodious or graceful like usual. Just, annoying.

Tzuyu raises an eyebrow at the girl in front of her. She waits for her to calm down before asking: "what the hell was that?"

Sana calms herself for a few seconds. "You need to come home from war, Tzuyu." She repeats in a lower voice before convulsing into quiet gasp once more. She's in tears with her head thrown back.

Tzuyu waits patiently for her to finish. Taking out her phone, she scrolls through tumblr. For some unknown reason, her heart feels like it's just fallen ten stories to the cement below her when she comes across a quote: If you were a drug, there wouldn't be a sober vein in me.

She reblogs it. Not knowing why. Just thinking that she had to.

Returning her attention back to the brunette, Tzuyu watches her laugh. She laughs until there is no sound, until she chokes on her saliva. Until her head starts to spin from her earlier intoxication. Tzuyu then brings her the untouched hot chocolate, and stares at her, but Sana doesn't notice. Or, at least, she doesn't acknowledge it.

"What are you doing for thanksgiving?" The girl asks, meeting Tzuyu's gaze. "I don't know." She shrugs. "Probably nothing. You?" Sana bites her lower lip, "same." Tzuyu nods understandingly. Their eyes meet again, and Tzuyu's heart skips a beat, but she doesn't know why. And Sana looks away, as if she was caught doing something she wasn't supposed to do.

Sana stays at the apartment for another hour, deciding to leave only because she did not want to impose. Tzuyu already does so much for her, whether she was angry or not.

"I'm gonna go." She stands up, announcing her soon to be departure. "Ok." Tzuyu smiles, but she honestly didn't want Sana to leave. She walks her to the door, and they stand in silence for a few awkward seconds. Tzuyu didn't want Sana to leave, and Sana wished Tzuyu would ask her to stay longer.

But she never did.

Instead, Sana went home and lied in bed. Wondering why she felt the way she did. And threw herself under the covers, thinking about the past events, and why her heart couldn't stop racing.

"If you were a drug there wouldn't be a sober vein in me." She whispers to herself. She didn't know it then, but that was a very relevant sentence.

...

The second Sana steps into the run down building she regrets it. Girls staring at her then gossiping to their friends. Boys laughing.

It's the first time she's been in school for a month. It was the day before they let out for thanksgiving weekend. Plus the school hasn't contacted her, and her mother hasn't asked. It's as if no one even noticed she was gone.

She was just getting bored at home while the only friend she had went off to her fancy performing arts institution.

Quickly making her away down the hall, Sana enters her first period class at least ten minutes early. She slides into an empty desk in the back row and glances around the room. It feels like forever since she's been here. Her eyes roam from the many math joke posters on the wall, to the sea of empty desks, dreading the sound of the bell ringing.

She locks eyes with the middle aged women at the front desk. Her teacher, who's just as surprised to see her as she was. "Nice to see you, Ms. Minatozaki." She announces sarcastically.

Sana gives her a small smile before burying her head in her arms.

She was tired, up all night watching doing research and watching YouTube videos. Somehow ending up on the gay side, although, she had to admit it was entertaining