Lost Without You

~18~

When I finally got home, my coat was wet through, and my teeth were chattering from the cold. Luckily, Mum was out again. Otherwise, she would definitely tell me off.

I shed my damp clothes as soon as I reached my bathroom and took a long, warm shower, shivering as the hot water caressed and enveloped my freezing skin.

How strange it is, I mused as I stepped out to reach for a towel, and caught a glimpse of my body in the mirror, knowing with certainty that I'm more than two months pregnant, but not seeing or feeling anything yet. My belly still looked almost flat; it didn't seem to have grown much so far. The only thing that kept growing steadily day after day was my tiredness.

After having wrapped a soft and warm dressing gown around me, then drying my hair, I dragged myself into my room, feeling utterly exhausted. I approached my bed to take my pyjamas from under the pillow, wishing I could just lay down and sleep, dreaming about Vlad, for a couple of days, or better, weeks. Maybe I could just sleep through the entire year and wake up a few days before next Halloween, I mused, kicking off my slippers and nestling under my quilt. But I was too hungry for that, I realised as my stomach growled in protest when I reached inside my handbag, which I had dumped on the floor next to the bed, for the baby shoes and my book.

Groaning with frustration, I put my treasures under my pillow, donned the dressing gown and slippers again, then headed downstairs in search of something to eat.

A note from Mum and, like the previous evening, a sandwich was waiting for me on the kitchen table.

I skimmed through the note informing me about Mum's program for tonight while I carried the plate with the food to Lily.

Apparently, not even the dog liked the idea of eating a cold sandwich two nights in the row-- she only opened her eyes, without even bothering to raise her head when I offered her my dinner. Then she buried her nose under her paws and went back to sleep, ignoring me completely.

So I took the sandwich outside, in the garden, and left it there on the patio, the plate and all. As soon as I reached the door again, rushing to go back in to escape the freezing drizzle, I heard Whisper moving swiftly across the wet lawn in my direction.

Does she sleep here now, too? I wondered, watching the eating fox through the glass after I re-entered, hoping that if she had found a place to sleep in the shed, Mum wouldn't notice.

When my still empty stomach complained again, I walked towards the fridge and looked inside. Finding nothing interesting, I rummaged through the freezer in the utility room. Finally, I settled for a chicken pie. It was the closest thing to the warm and filling meals our Cook used to make for us in the castle, which I could find among Mum's low-fat and salutary frozen meals.

You must try to remember at least some of Cook's recipes and start cooking yourself! My subconscious ordered me while I unpacked my dinner and set the correct instructions on the microwave.

Lily was still sleeping when I finished my meal, collected the fox's plate, and cleaned up. I climbed the stairs and brushed my teeth using my last strength, then fell asleep as soon as my head touched the pillow.

When I woke up in the morning, Vlad was with me in the bed. At least, that's how it felt until I opened my eyes and turned around only to find myself alone as always.

But he had been there, he must have been, I had felt his body pressed against mine, his front to my back, his soft breath on the sensitive skin of my neck, all night. His arms had been wrapped around me protectively, holding me close, one of his hands lying splayed over my belly, covering my own hand holding the periwinkle baby shoes...