Lost Without You

~19~

"Mum, Dad," I said entering the kitchen, interrupting their argument and making them both look towards me with fake smiles plastered to their faces.

"Samara," Dad said, stepping away from Mum. He sat down at the table and gestured for me to follow his example.

I sat across the table from him, waiting for him to say something. But he just sat there, watching me, his eyes flicking to my ring several times during the few minutes it took Mum to serve our food and join us.

"Happy birthday honey. We didn't know what to get you," Mum started while Dad poured out the wine, "so your father put some money on your account and here..." she said, passing me a small, gift-wrapped jewellery box that had been lying on the table next to her plate, "I found this in that little shop selling antiques, the one close to Luigi's restaurant. I thought you might like it, seeing your new style."

I untied the tiny bow adorning the box, unwrapped it and looked inside curiously. Even though I didn't really like jewels, I liked this one at first sight. It was an old-fashioned, oval silver locket, inset with tiny, colourful fragments of some semi-precious stones, complete with a long silver chain.

"It's Victorian. It opens, so you can put a couple of pictures inside." Mum explained.

"Thank you both," I said, closing the box again and pushing it aside so we could start eating.

I did not enjoy our quiet meal at all. My stomach was in knots. I was only waiting for the best occasion to start with my confession, impatient to tell them what I had to say, to have it finally over, but dreading it, and trying to postpone, at the same time.

But I couldn't avoid talking about it any longer once Dad, his eyes glued to my ring again, said, "So, I see that your boyfriend finally decided to take the next step."

They had both finished eating and sat quietly, avoiding to look at each other, waiting for me to finish too, so Mum could bring the cake. But I just couldn't eat anymore. I put my fork down next to my hardly touched dinner and pushed the plate away.

"His name is William, they've been dating for two years, for goodness' sake, you should remember at least that by now." Mum said, looking at Dad contemptuously while pouring herself another glass of wine. She turned the bottle towards me, ready to refill my glass, then paused, puzzled by finding it untouched.

"Lara, I was not talking to you." Dad said, looking at her coldly.

"It's fine." I interrupted them. "It doesn't matter, we broke up, anyway."

Mum scowled at me and Dad raised his eyebrows in a look of surprise that did not really reach his eyes. He looked... bored, maybe slightly irritated by what I had said, and expecting an explanation which he was sure I owed him.

But this is my life! Why should I explain anything to him? What should I tell them, where should I start? I thought, my anger rising momentarily, then morphing quickly into panic, while Mum collected and carried away our used plates.

"I have some news," I mumbled, breathless with anxiety once Mum returned with the cake and sat down again.

Dad looked at me enquiringly, willing me to speak up and get on with it, while I groped for the best words to explain my situation.

"Come on Samara, so this... William of yours," he looked pointedly at Mum, then shot a quick glance at his watch before his piercing gaze found its way back to me, "he proposed, right? Congratulations! Have you fixed the date of the wedding already?"

"That's great news honey," Mum joined in, beaming, stroking my arm encouragingly.

"No. Wait. That's not what I was going to tell you. I'm pregnant," I blurted out. They, with their great expectations concerning me and William were confusing me.