Lost Without You

~30~

With Lucas' help the dinner was ready and the table laid when Lia arrived.

We ate together, chatting about our day, until Lia started asking Lucas about his uncle. Apparently, Stoker went on a short tour to present his newest book and she wanted to know if he went alone.

I could see that Lia was burning with curiosity about Stoker's love life, but I was not going to help her to push Lucas to tell her anything he would not want to disclose voluntarily. I had already complicated Lucas' life enough without making Stoker angry with him for having told on him.

Lia gave up after a few tries, seeing that her skilfully chosen questions were met with artfully vague and evasive answers, scowling at me when I couldn't suppress my giggles.

As she hadn't helped with cooking, Lia insisted on washing the dishes, refusing any help. Lucas disappeared into his room saying he needed to finish unpacking and study, and I dragged myself into the bathroom.

I took a long shower, washed my hair again quite unnecessarily, then spent ages drying it on the lowest heat my hairdryer was capable of producing. I knew that I was procrastinating, and that it would not help me but... You can only hide in the bathroom so long, with two other flatmates, I remembered when Lia knocked on the door, saying that she needed to take a shower too.

Fine. You can do this. I encouraged myself once I was seated on my bed, propped comfortably against my pillows, my new notebook, open on a clean page, resting on my lap.

Without thinking about it too much I started scribbling.

First, I described how it felt when I saw Vlad in the castle for the first time, my utter confusion, and how I followed him through the time passage without hesitation, because of the deep, fathomless love I felt for him even before I properly remembered who he was.

Then I wrote down my memories of my previous life with him, flaring unexpectedly in my mind during the year I spent in the castle, usually in the most unsuitable moments.

I poured out my visions over the blank pages next, those that helped Junior save Vlad when he disappeared for days soon after I arrived in the castle.

And finally the premonition which helped me understand that something was very wrong when Vlad left to attend the hearing with Radu, even before Junior returned with the awful news of Ioan's death, Clara's abduction and his father's arrest.

When I woke up in the morning my notebook was still lying open on top of my quilt and my reading light was on. It had been another dreamless night, and I felt empty and disappointed. I... I needed to know what was going on the other side.

Later, once I was dressed and ready for the day, I found Lucas in the kitchen, getting toasts and coffee ready for everyone.

"Morning." I greeted him, suppressing a yawn, as I shuffled towards the nearest chair.

"Did you sleep at all? I saw your light on well after midnight." He asked, laying all the food and drinks on the table.

"I fell asleep writing in your uncle's notebook." I said, sipping my hot coffee carefully.

Having spread a spoonful of jam over my toast I took a bite, even though I wasn't hungry at all. I didn't feel good about the absence of my dreams, my stomach was tied in knots. But I didn't want to offend Lucas.

"Thanks, Samara, he'll be happy to hear that." He said, looking at me intently. "Are you all ri..."

"When is he coming back again?" Lia asked from the door, saving me momentarily.