Draco x reader // Dior sauvage

10 Panic attacks

!Trigger warning, this will show a more depressing/vulnerable side of Draco!

-Draco pov

Panic.

I feel like a murderer. I've never done something so brutal, I will hate myself forever about this. Her pale face resting quietly in my hold, my trebling hands covered up in her warm blood, from the wound that I've created. My heart is painfully aching inside my chest, it made me release unsteady breaths, feeling like I got chocked by my own oxygen. I'm trying so hard to keep her shattered head still, but my panic attack holds me back from doing that, making me shaking weak and vulnerable. Everyone keeps telling me I'm starting to look like my father, and that makes me despise myself even more, I can't even look normally into the mirror, scared of what I'll see reflecting back to me. I don't want to become like him, he's brutal and evil, I could never hurt or kill someone, at least that's what I thought.

"What the fuck do I do?- y/n, just please wakeup!" I cry desperately over her unhurriedly beating chest, mine in blood covered hands shaking in panic, my voice hiccupping in fear and sadness. But she didn't respond back, of course not you dumbass, the only thing I can hear is her slowly breathing, it's tottering but she breaths, and that's all that matters for now. Her beautiful face toned snow white, and her full lips a light shade of purple, this is not good.

The only normal thing to do is bringing her to the hospital wing, but the fear of walking in there with her covered in blood, laying in my arm is taking me over. I know I'll get the full blame for this, I deserve at least that, but they will enlighten my parents about this and my father is definitely going to get me punished for this. every night I'm dreaming about him, but every time they turn into nightmares, or shall I say night terrors, he made my childhood a living hell, I wouldn't be here anymore if it wasn't for my mother. But I can't do this to y/n, I'm fighting my terrifying fears, if it keeps her alive then I'll do it.

I shove my trebling arms under her limb knee's and neck, lifting her weak cold body up against mine. The white long sleeve shirt I'm wearing covered in her blood, and my sweat and tears, making my way to her wooden door and kicking it roughly open. My body feels like it can collapse any minute but I have to be strong for her, rather have her alive then myself. I almost run with her bouncing softly in my arms downstairs, walking into the luckily empty common room, I didn't even know the time, but I also couldn't care less, it's very dark outside that's the only thing I know! I went quickly trough the portrait and walked hurriedly over the hospital wing, feeling another panic attack hitting me inside my tired body.

I'm standing in front of the hospital wing, crying out for help in pain, the side I never wanted someone see, the weak one, my arm muscles giving slowly up on me while holding her firmly. 'Draco fucking Malfoy, you are so weak.' I hear my fathers strict voice yelling to me inside my head, while shutting my eyes closed, feeling the sweat of my forehead dripping down on my face. I can vaguely hear someone nearby me walking over to us, but I couldn't hold myself stable any longer, my knees collapsed onto the stone floor, feeling numb. I'm crying hoarsely out loud for help, in front of the entrance throughout the wing but my vision went fuzzy and the only thing I can focus on right now is my father's sinning voice, telling me I've failed. Telling me that I'm a pathetic weak boy.

"Calm down Draco, I'm here." A caring sweet old lady's voice spoke, holding the sides of my head with both her dry hands, stroking with her elderly thumbs gently over my clammy cheeks. The only thing I'm doing is sobbing, I didn't gave her a response back, shrugging my shoulders in pain. Everything feelings so heavy, I just want to crawl down onto the floor and pass out, because sleeping isn't a option with all these nightmares I'm having.