It'll be our secret, Miss Abrams (GirlxGirl) [COMPLETED]

Twenty Nine

I visited dad at the hospital and did all my homework, and now I am bored. I've finished Diana's book but I need a moment before picking up Holy Sister again. I need a Grisha cooldown time.

Or, I could ask Diana to lend me the second one, because I am sure she has it.

I lie on the couch looking at the ceiling. I could text her and ask about the second one and maybe pick it up at her apartment. Would it be too weird? I mean, I was just getting a book, there's nothing wrong with that, right?

I get my phone and text her, asking if I can get Siege and Storm sometime today.

'So you are liking the romance? ' she teases and I roll my eyes.

We text a bit but at the end she agrees to lend me the book and I smile to myself, putting the phone down and going to the bathroom to take a shower. Rory and I are going to Jackson's later today for New Years and I suppose Diana also has plans, so I'm going to stop by early enough to not bother her.

I put on the new sweater Andrea gave me and then my jacket. The sky has been clear these past couple of days, so a lot of the snow has already melted away. I lock my apartment and unchain Josephine as I ride to Diana's.

The wind is cold against my face and my fingers hurt a little after I chain the bike and make my way upstairs to her apartment. I can see my breath condensating in front of me, and I play with it, huffing and walking through it.

I smell myself to make sure I am alright before knocking on her door. I smell fine and I blow on my hands to warm them up as I wait for her to open the door for me.

"Hello, Spencer," she says, stepping to the side for me to come in.

I try to hide how nervous coming inside makes me. I can still remember perfectly what happened the last time I came in, how I kissed her and thought I messed everything up.

Where before I saw a lot of piles of books scattered and some boxes, now the living room is tidied up. The books are in a bookshelf on the corner, and I see my Hobbit on the center table.

"Diego helped me put the shelf up," she says and I nod, taking her book from my backpack and handing it to her.

Diana walks up to the bookshelf and puts it in place before handing me the next one. I fight with the zipper to close the damn thing and she chuckles.

"Would you like to drink something? Drink a cup of water, maybe?" She looks up at me, hope in her eyes and I couldn't say no even if I wanted.

"Water is fine, thanks," I say, letting my backpack rest against the side of the couch and sitting on it. She comes back with two glasses and sits beside me.

"How's your dad?"

"Still asleep," I saw, looking down at my water. "How's your mom?"

"Better, actually," she gives me a short smile, "I think she'll be able to come back in January."

I nod, wondering if it's okay to ask what she has, but feeling a bit too curious not to.

"She has cancer," she says, her voice quiet. Her light brown eyes are sad but she doesn't cry. I think she already cried a lot. "We thought she was fine but it came back this year, stronger than before."

She stands and takes a framed picture from the wall above her, showing me a picture of that same blond girl, but now in a gown and holding a little tube. There's an older woman beside her, side hugging Diana with a big, proud smile on her face.

"That's my mom on my high school graduation," she says, smiling down at it.

"You look like her," I say. She was a bit taller than Diana, but they had the same blond hair and face shape, though her mom had darker eyes. She finishes her water and puts it on the table.

"Diego loves her," she says, laughing a bit, "and she loves the bread they make at the bakery. He would come by sometimes just to give her bread."

"That sounds like him," I say and she nods.

"She was amazing. She raised me alone after my shitty dad left us and she tried to come to all my games," her lower lip trembled a little, and she looked away, recomposing herself. My heart hurts for her, for the pain she must be feeling.

I put my glass on the centre table and open my arms. She stares at me for a second, enough for me to feel stupid, but then she hugs me. Diana lets her head rest on my shoulder, her arms around my waist. I can smell her perfume, and having her this close makes my heart beat faster.

Her shoulders shake slightly and I feel myself tearing up as I remember my mom. How kind she was. Her kisses on the top of my head, her voice as she called me sparrow. I miss her so much it hurts.

We hold each other and it calms me. I am acutely aware of her body on mine, of her arms around my body and oh her breath on my neck. I rub her back slowly, trying to soothe her too.

I think she feels alone sometimes too.

She leans back, ending the hug and wiping away the tear streaks on her cheeks. I put a strand of hair behind her ear and offer a smile. There's not much I can do for her besides being here and keeping her company.

"What was your mom like?" she asks and I smile through the pain.

"She was beautiful. Dad used to say she was the prettiest woman he'd ever seen," I say, smiling a little. "She was kind. She loved Autumn."

I have so much to say about her, how incredible she was, but I don't have the words to tell her. I don't think I'll ever have the words to tell her.

But Diana smiles, squeezing my hand and it feels like she understands.

"So, have you started your fanfiction yet?"

"No, but just wait, it'll be the fucking best Bilbo and Thorin fic ever."

I laugh and she squeezes my hand again. "Thank you, Spencer," she says and I frown a bit. I didn't do anything, really. She shrugs, "for being here. For keeping me company."

I smile at her, feeling the warmth of her hand on mine. I want to kiss her again, but I'm not sure I can. I mean, I know I shouldn't but I want to.

I stand, feeling the need to put some distance between us before I do something I'll regret. I feel like our friendship is on a thin line with me having these feelings.

Diana stands too, keeping us close. Toe to toe, almost.

"I should go," I say, swallowing hard.

Truth be told, I didn't want to go, but I knew I should put a physical distance between us. Physical, because I knew our emotions were tied together too tightly to get so easily pulled away.

Diana nods, her eyes on mine. "You should," she agrees, but she licks her own lips, her eyes falling on mine for a second. She touches my hand, everything about her unsure.

She's never anything but confident and relaxed, but she's been showing me other facets of her; parts of her that are fragile, that get nervous.

I bite the inside of my cheek, "what are we doing, Diana?"

"I don't know, but-" she sighs, "I don't want you to leave."

A part of her that doesn't like to be alone either.

I nod, sliding my hand in hers and squeezing a bit. "Okay. I'll stay for a bit."