Hunger (Damnation Book 1)

Chapter 28 - Confessions

Grant stares at me as I stretch out on my bed at his house. It's a riot of white and pale blue linens and I play with the silky sheet. He's sitting in a chair next to the bed and I roll over and kick my feet back and forth.

"You going to join me? It's awful lonely in this big old bed," I say, teasing him with the sheet.

He sits forward and steeples his fingers. This can't be good. "Rosaline, we need to talk."

"Those are never good words," I reply pulling the sheet around me. Somehow it makes me feel a little less vulnerable.

He gives me his million watt smile and says, "Our time is up, pet."

I hop off the bed and sit myself in his lap. His hands rest on my back and thigh and I feel the heat radiating from his palms. "I'm sure you could renegotiate with Daddy," I plead, petting the back of his neck.

"The thing is, Rosaline," he begins. "It is time for us to part. I'm in the market for someone a bit younger."

"You don't want to be with me anymore?" I ask, my voice slightly breaking. My heart skips a few beats as I realize this is it. He doesn't want me anymore.

"Sorry, pet. You are really sweet, but you knew this wouldn't last forever," he tells me with a little laugh in his voice. I pull slightly back from him but he's got a hard grip on me now. "You know my tastes are very specific and you don't meet them any longer."

My chest feels tight and I think I'm going to burst into tears any second. He doesn't love me anymore. I turn from him, but don't try to get off his lap. He doesn't want me to move yet. I take large heaving breaths, trying to control myself. I can't let him see me cry.

"Shh," he comforts me, petting my hair and pulling me against his chest. "It will be alright, Rosaline. Love me one last time."

He turns me around in his lap so he can kiss my lips and I automatically respond. Inside, I feel like I'm dying. I loved him and he's dropping me. He doesn't love me. I'm not sure he ever really loved me. I feel so used.

I wake with a start. That is one of the singular most mortifying moments in my life. I loved him and he only used me. That was the john that helped me realize there was no place for feelings like love and affection in my line of work. Stretching, I let out a long sigh, trying to let go of the fear and shame my nightmares leave me with. Damien's sheets are that soft jersey cotton and I feel like I'm wrapped in the softest t-shirt ever. He isn't in his room, though. His jeans and thermal aren't where he left them either. Wrapping myself up in his super soft sheet, I begin my trek through his house. It's rather big. I hadn't really noticed before. I guess my mind had been on other things.

"Damien," I call out when I hit the first floor.

"In here," he calls back.

I follow his voice and find him in the kitchen. Sitting at the island, he's got a beer sitting in front of him. "And here I thought you were a good kid," I joke coming up to him.

"Yeah, my parents don't care as long as I do it at home," he says taking another swig.

"Parents? You mean your mom and step-dad right?" I try to clarify. No Nephilim really knows their fallen parent. They tend to be the love 'em and leave 'em types.

"No, my father lives here with us. Or I guess the better term is we live here with him."

"No shit?" I ask rhetorically. "That's definitely different." He takes another swig of his beer, but doesn't say anything. "Damien? Is something wrong?"

"Your phone went off while you were sleeping."

"Okay, so?"

"You got a text from your father. Something about the deal won't be on the table forever," he says softly. "What deal, Rosa? I thought you stopped dealing."

I take a deep breath. Anger at the thought of him going through my phone without permission flows through me hot and quick but I forcibly push it down. It's not the point nor is it important right now. It's finally confession time. "This is a deal that can end all my dealings. If I take this deal, I would never be pimped out or used ever again."

He tugs at the sheet and pulls me closer. "Tell me more."

"Apparently you were right. We do have souls. Daddy needs a new set of horseman to usher in a new apocalypse. He wants to take over Heaven, or at least try again. He wants me to be the horseman of war. If I do this, it's my only job; no more whoring."

Damien just stares at me for a minute. "So, you'd bring about another apocalypse?" he asks.

"Yes," I answer.

"Then you can't take it."

My eyes search his. "What? Why?"

He rubs his face roughly with his hands. "I don't want to lose you and this is a surefire way to do it."

"You wouldn't lose me," I say trying to take his face in my hands. However, he pushes my hands away and I feel adrift. This is what I was afraid of.

"Stop lying to yourself, Rosaline," he tells me. "Any way you look at it, if you stay with your father, you are walking away from me."

"Are you asking me to choose?" I ask him, pulling away from him.

He turns away for a moment, before saying, "Yes, I am."

"How can you ask me that? That's my family," I yell. "You expect me to leave them after a week of you? What's a week compared to a lifetime?"

"He's toxic, Rosaline. He doesn't care about you. He only cares about what you can give him. You are just a means to an end. He needs you to take over Heaven and he will do whatever he has to for you to give him what he wants. He doesn't care about you but I do."

I shake my head and try to keep my tears in check. I don't want to cry. It's a weakness I have and hate with a passion. "He has to love me. He has to. Someone has to." My words are so soft I barely even hear them.

Damien's hands take me by the face and turn me to him. "I could love you, Rosa. He doesn't but I could."

Looking into his eyes, I see it. He really does care for me. It would be so easy to fall in love with him. He's a genuinely good guy, but could he really love me? "How? I'm nothing but shit."

"You're not shit, Rosa. You're the most beautiful, caring, mind-boggling girl I've ever known and I don't want to lose you."

There are no words for everything I want to say, but I'm not sure I'm ready to choose. "Did my father give me a time limit?" I ask.

He shakes his head. "No, he just said no deal stays on the table forever."

Damien pulls me into a hug and I take a deep breath. "I don't know what to do, Damien. I want to stay with you. It's like a dream, but he's my father. How do I walk away from him? How do I leave my brother? Gil won't walk away."

"I don't know anything about your brother, but you need to think about yourself. You can't stay with him. You can't lose your soul. It's what I love about you."

What he loves about me? Is he saying he loves me? "I need to think about it."

"Isn't that what you've been doing all night?" he asks with a sardonic smile.

"No, I've been trying to forget," I whisper. "Let me forget for a bit longer. Help me forget." When he picks me up and heads back to his room, I don't try to stop him.