Still Dreaming - Treebros

Chapter 2: "Wash Away the Rain"

Saturday, August 24th

  The size of my dorm hasn't bothered me yet. I'd say it's one of the bigger ones, actually. But right now it couldn't be smaller. The walls are closing in on me and I can't breathe and every time I think it's going to peak, it just keeps shrinking.

I'm breathing heavily, far too heavily for someone who's just sitting on his bed. My phone buzzes, and I jump. Mom's probably texting me to ask how college is going even though I've barely been here for 24 hours. Or telling me that she accidentally knocked over Twoey, even though she promised to water and take care of her.

C: how's your roommate?

My heart hammers even louder in my chest. This can't be good for my health.

This is the first time Connor has texted me since the day we broke up. The only time over the summer I even looked at our conversation was to angrily change his contact name, before bursting into tears again.

I'm mad at him, but adrenaline rushes through me. Now I'm panicked and full of energy.

Me: He's not here yet

C: did i get the dates wrong or something

Me: No, he's just not here yet

C: oh

C: so can i come over?

God, I wish I could say no. I want so badly to pretend that I'd rather him not be there. But I do. I can't get enough of him. Not after how long it's been. I can't stand to be around him, but I can't stand to be apart from him.

Me: Why?

C: there are some very loud people next door

Me: Okay

At least this conversation distracted me enough to lower my heart rate. I'm breathing almost normally now. Small victories.

As ashamed as I am to admit it, I'm glad we're talking again. I'm glad that one day I'll get over my anger and it will be semi-normal between us. I kind of can't wait to be best friends with him again.

I miss being friends with Connor. He was always there for me. When he ghosted me, he took away almost every single support system that I had.

That's where I went wrong, I guess. Putting all my hope and love into one person.

When there's a knock at the door, it's with both hesitance and excitement that I open it.

And there he is. Looking exactly as he did yesterday. That's two days in a row that I get to see him and talk to him. I don't take my eyes off of him as he walks in and I close the door. If I look away, he might be gone.

"Still not here?" he asks, hovering by the door as I return back to my bed.

"No," I answer. Obviously not. If my roommate was here then he'd be, well, here.

"Looks pretty bare in here. Thought you were gonna finish unpacking?" Connor says. I want him gone. If he goes I'll break.