estrange ✶ huening kai

seventeen.

tap tap tap. the sound of taehyun's pen clacking on his desk was all that could be heard through the silent room of studying students. just thirty more seconds, he thought as his eyes stared down the clock on the wall, anticipating the moment it would strike 4:30.

finally, after a school day filled with anxiety, taehyun felt relief flow through him when the school bell sounded throughout the building. quickly tossing his stuff into his bag, he was out of the classroom and heading towards the school doors in no time. stopping by his locker on the way, he saw doyoung standing near it, holding a notebook in his hands.

"here," he smiled, "i wrote everything we went over today, just like you asked."

taking the notebook from his friend, taehyun nodded, "thanks, doyoung."

"anything for sora," he offered a thumbs up, his grin never faltering.

taehyun nodded once again in agreement, then patting the slightly younger boy on the arm, "i'll see you next week!" he waved as he secured the notebook in his over-the-shoulder bag, before breaking out into a light jog.

"oh, taehyun?"

stopping, he turned to see kai, who also looked like he was headed out the school doors. "oh, hi."

"where are you going in such a rush?"

"uh, i have to drop something off to sora," he looked to the side awkwardly, "anyways, i'm gonna get going.."

"well, i can take it for you if you want? i mean, sora and i are neighbors after all-"

"no!" he quickly declined, before blinking in shock at his own sudden outburst, "i have something to ask her as well, so i'll just do it myself."

"oh, i see. well maybe it's for the best, i won't be heading home for a bit anyways." kai waved to his friend, before setting off towards the door, "see ya, tyun!"

"yeah, see you.." taehyun watched as he walked away, then let out a sigh. shaking his head, he continued on his way out of the school, towards sora's neighborhood.

around fifteen minutes later, he found himself at her front door, waiting for someone to open it.

"taehyun?"

"hi," he breathed out, his large smile perched cutely on his face, "got some time to go for a walk?"

-

"so..?" sora finally asked, after they had been walking together in silence for the last ten minutes.

"so?"

"i don't mean to sound rude, i'm just wondering why you came to see me."

"i just wanted to check on you," he told her, as if that was plenty reason for him.

quirking a brow, sora turned to look up at him, "that's it?"

"oh, right!" he lifted the flap of his bag, bringing out the notebook. "i also wanted to give you this," he held it out to her, his lips curled into a small smile, "i had doyoung write the notes for everything you guys learned this week, since you've been taking some days off from school."

slowly grabbing it from his hands, sora smiled gently. "can i ask you something?"

"mhm."

"why are you doing all of this for me?"

stopping in his tracks, taehyun watched as she took a few steps further, before she saw he was no longer beside her. when she turned back to look at him, she realized that he was somewhat zoned out.

"taehyun?"

"i.."

tilting her head, sora only stared as he tried to formulate his words.

"...i like you." when she didn't say anything, taehyun continued, "i know you don't like me, so don't feel bad, okay?"

"you should like someone else," sora quickly told him, "please."

feeling a pang in his heart, taehyun kept his gaze on the ground. chuckling softly, he shook his head, "i don't think i can."

"but-"

"i've liked you for too long, okay?"

it was silent again. all that could be heard was the rushing water of the river a few streets over, and the gentle conversation of the people who passed them.

"i like you, izumi sora. i'm not asking you to accept me, though, alright? so please don't ask me to stop liking you."

"but won't you get what i have?" she felt her chest tighten at the thought that she could put someone else through what she's going through.

"i think i would've had it by now. so.. don't worry about me, okay?" she remained silent, causing taehyun to look back up from the ground at her through the brown strands of hair that fell over his eyes, "and even if i were to.. get what you have.. i would accept my fate, if it meant that i could still-" he paused, realizing that words were just falling out of his mouth at this point. "just don't worry about me, okay? i'm fine."

it had been around two minutes of agonizing silence before sora finally said something, her words coming out softly, "i'm sorry."

"huh?"

"i'm sorry that i'm unable to return your feelings."

and there it was. pang. right in his heart. "i- i told you not to worry, didn't i?" feeling his eyes begin to sting only slightly, taehyun still gave her a smile, "that's all i had to talk to you about, so maybe you should head home now. i'm sure your mom's worried about you. i'll see you at school on monday." his words came out quickly, which barely gave sora any time to process them. by the time she did, taehyun was already down the street and around the corner.

if only i could like him back.

finally a safe distance away, taehyun allowed himself to lean against the wall of an alleyway. closing his eyes, he slowly slid down into a crouched position, feeling the tears begin to well up in his eyes.

you jerk, he mentally beat himself up, the salty drops falling down one by one, you stupid, stupid jerk.

looking up at the sky that was dark by now, a shaky laugh left taehyun, though he found nothing funny about the situation he was in.

i'm sorry, sora. that wasn't how i planned on confessing to you.