Haunted By The Past - A Surrera Story

Chapter four

Andy's pov
I'm sat on the floor in my bunk, leaning against the door. I know that I can't just keep avoiding Robert, and to be honest I don't want to anymore. The look on his face when I walked out of the beanery, it made me realise how much this was affecting him too. He was holding back tears, I could tell, and I know that Robert hardly ever cries, especially not in front of people. I felt really bad after seeing him like that, but it's not like I could comfort him in front of the team. But I am going to talk to him soon. I might not be ready, but I need to do it. I want to do it. While I was thinking, I pulled my necklace out from under my shirt. Robert had gotten me it when we were together. It was a golden heart locket, with R+A engraved on the front of it, and a small photo of the two of us inside. The photo was from when we went on holiday one Christmas to Paris. We were both bundled up in our coats and hats and scarves and we were stood in front of the Eiffel Tower. I love the photo so much, we were both so happy. Robert had given me the locket three days later for Christmas, and it was one of the best gifts I have ever gotten. I've never taken it off since, not even after we broke up. I keep it tucked under my shirt so that nobody asks about it, but when I'm alone I often take it out and look at it. Now, I was staring at the picture, remembering that night, when I heard a knock at the door. I rolled my eyes, it would probably be Maya again. "For Gods Sake Maya I said I'm fine, can you just leave me alone?!" I shouted. When it was silent for a few moments, I assumed that she had taken the hint and left.
"It's me, Robert," Robert then said, making me realise that I was wrong about who had been knocking at my door. "I have coffee, just the way you like it," he said gently, "If you don't want to talk I can just leave it here for you." I took a deep breath, before moving away from the door and unlocking it. I went and sat on my bed, waiting to see if he would come in. A few seconds later, the door opened, and Robert stepped in, closing it again behind me. Being in the same room as him again bought back so many of the good memories of us, and I couldn't help but smile. But then I remembered that that was years ago, and there wasn't an us anymore, and I felt a tear fall down my cheek. I reached my hand out to wipe it away, hoping that Robert hadn't seen it, but I knew by the look on his face that he had. "You wanna sit?" I muttered quietly, gesturing to my bed. I didn't want it to be awkward, but there wasn't really anywhere else to sit in my bunk, and if we went out, someone could see us. Robert nodded and sat down.
"I'm sorry," he said, looking me in the eye.
"So am I," I said.
"No, you have nothing to be sorry about, I should never have told Ripley," Robert replied.
"But I shouldn't of overreacted like that, if I didn't we might..." I started before pausing. I didn't want to make this awkward. I mean who knows, he might of moved on, he might be with someone else now. I hope not, but I wouldn't blame him if he was, it had been a while. I haven't dated anyone since Robert, I just couldn't bring myself to.
"Still be together," he finished softly. I nodded, tears running down my face. "But it's not your fault, I was the one who told Ripley. And I wish I hadn't. It was the biggest mistake I have ever made. It was the mistake that cost me everything." I couldn't hold it in anymore. Tears streamed down my face and I felt my breathing get quicker. Suddenly I was gasping for air, it felt like I couldn't breathe. But all I could think about was Robert and how much I missed him. A few seconds later I felt his hand on my shoulder, and then his voice trying to reassure me, "Andy, I need you to breathe for me." I tried but I just couldn't. Robert then pulled me nearer until his arms were wrapped around my body. Just being held by him again made me calm down a little. "Follow my breathing," he said calmly. I tried to focus as I felt his chest move up and down. In, out, in, out. Eventually, I calmed down, and was able to breathe properly again, but I made no effort to move. I felt safe in Robert's arms. That's when I realised that one thing hadn't changed over the years. He was still the safest place I have, and I still loved him with all my heart. I felt my breath hitch in my throat as Robert started to move, scared that he was going to push me away. But instead he moved us both so we were laying down, my head on his chest, his arms still wrapped around me. And despite everything, it felt right, it felt perfect.