Sly

𓆙𝑓𝑜𝑟𝑡𝑦 𝑠𝑖𝑥𓆙

  I look out Draco and I's room window as I watch the snow fall. A couple of weeks has passed and the same events has been repeating like a routine: I spend my time alone, I ask Draco why I am alone, and then he coldly replies with stern and annoyance.

I place the side of my forehead onto the window as I stare out, waiting for Draco's return. I woke up to him walking out the door, but not quick enough to avoid my question. I asked him where he was going so early but he just replied with a, "It's none of your business". His eyes did not show any signs of regret or sorrow, only annoyance.

Hermione and I have not been talking lately. I believe that it is because of her hate towards Draco, which I do not blame her for. Draco has been abhorrent towards Hermione and most of my friends, including Neville. So I do not blame them for not wanting to be closer to me, but it still pains me.

Oh, Merlin, I'm really alone.

Lately I have been treating the dreadful days like a chore:I wake up, eat, study, and then repeat. It's nothing new to me, I was used to it, thanks to my days at my hellacious old school. However, it still feels extremely loathsome since I had gotten used to a different routine.

My mind wanders to Draco, like usual as I hear footsteps come near. It is no lie that I truly love him; if I didn't, I would be far gone. I just wonder if he loves me back, or at least loved me back.

My head jolts up as Draco comes into the room, his face gloomy like always.

"Welcome back, you were gone for a long time."

I say but only silence is returned.

He sits down on the bed with his hands running down his face. I stay silent for a moment, waiting for his frustration to pass. He puts his hands on his legs as he stares at the wall, cuing my time to talk again.

"Where were you? You were gone for a really time."

I say softly as possible.

He sighs, clearly aggrieved by my presence.

"Can you at least respond?"

I ask as I walk towards him.

"Will you just shut up?"

Draco snaps.

I close my eyes as I wait for the emotional pain to go away. It felt like a sharp knife stabbed me when he said those words bitterly.

"Why are you like this? You can tell me anything."

I delicately say, trying my best to transfer my warmth into his heart.

"Merlin, will you shut up?"

He snaps again, his eyes glaring the floor.

"Why are you like this?"

I ask again, confusion on why he is so aggravated.

"Just say whatever is bothering you, I won't judge."

I assure as I look down at his hands.

His hands are gripping his own knees with force, his knuckles white as snow. I touch his hand in a soft manner, as if he was a rabid animal.

I gasp as he grabs my hand with rage as he stands up next to me.

"It's easy for you to say, you weren't assigned a task by the dark lord."

Draco says, rage seeping through his words as he glares at me.

"I'm a death eater, isn't that enough?"

I ask, my voice gentle as it reveals how hurt I am.

"No, it isn't enough."

He says, raising his voice as he shakes me.

I stare back at him with horror as his hands around my wrists grows tighter. It's painful but I don't try to pull back, I want to show him that I am not afraid of him.

"Please, tell me."

I beg, begging for him to let me in.

"Fine, you really want to know? I am going to get blood on my hands."

He says with aggression.

"What is that suppose to mean?"

I ask with horror and confusion.

"I was assigned to assassinate Dumbledore, I was chosen to."

He says harshly.

"I told you so get away from me, you're creating extra stress."

He snarls with hate as he pushes me away slightly.

I stay frozen as he sits back onto the bed, returning to his trance. I walk out the room and head out quickly. I walk past Blaise as he is about to say something to me in the scattered halls.

I subconsciously arrive to the spot near the black lake, the spot that Cedric introduced me to. I drop to my knees as I let myself sob. My eyes scrunches up as my lips are slightly widened. I sob like that for moment, not caring about my tights collecting the earth's dirt.

I sit down near Emie's grave as I let the tears run through my skin. I don't even bother wiping it away as I know that I will continue to cry. I look at her grave and smile for a second as I notice a dried up flower on top of her grave.

"I miss you, Emie."

I say, talking to her grave.

"I'm sorry for not visiting you lately."

I continue.

"I've just been so busy, you know, being at my lowest point and all."

I say as I pat the dirt.

"I hope that you can forgive me, you will forever be my first pet."

I apologize as I smile, a tear streaming down my face as I do so.

I bring my legs up to my chest as I lean my head against my upper arm. I look out the lake as I continue to sit next to Emie. My wet skin feels cold as a harsh wind hits my face. I wipe away the soiled tears, only to be replacing the tears as more streams down my face.

I watch the sunset on this snowy day. It has been hours being here but it feels like seconds.

I slowly close my eyes as I try to aliviate the pounding after cry headache.