Brute

Part 14

Joong

I hugged Nine for a long time before I let go, my heart was heavy. "You still want to go back to the village? But, you don't look too good", I said, rubbing his shoulders, trying to coax him to delay his departure. Nine just smiled, but I could see that it didn't reach his eyes. "It's alright, Joong. As you now knew, this was not the first time I got sick. So, don't worry too much", Nine pushed my hands that still held him gently. I was not that convince of his words. Something grim was there in his eyes. But everyone had a secret to keep, not just him. I didn't push further. I won't put him under another stress that would induce another fainting attack. I gulped a few times, biting my lips, wanted to kiss him goodbye, but afraid it was beyond my boundary. 

"Nine...", I carefully called his name, wanted to ask for permission, but somehow my heart was pounding too much, making me felt too anxious to follow through, "errm, just give me a call. Anytime. If I am in a meeting or anything, I'll definitely call you back later. And, I really don't mind if you call me everyday too. We could...", my words were cut off, when Nine tiptoed, wrapped his arms around my shoulders and give me a full kiss. I immediately held his waist tight, kissing him thoroughly too. 

"Boss, stop being clingy! His dad gave a call already. Let him go! Nine, just bite his hands till he releases you, I'll wait at the car park", Jay's voice could be heard through the closed door. Nine pulled away, and leaned his face on my chests, laughing while giving me his farewell hug. I gritted my teeth, counting in my head to not kick Jay's butt. He was so bold, knowing that I won't do anything to him in front of Nine. 

Before Nine went out of the front door, he held my hand for one last time. 

I looked at our hands which were lacing together, feeling liked not letting go; but still,  had to, "Nine, I'm sorry that Jay has to send you home. Ermm, there's something that I have to do, I have...".

"No. Joong. Stop telling something made up". His words caused my eyes to blink in surprise, and he continued, "your eyes always speak clearly to me, Joong. Since you were kid, I could tell, whatever you're feeling, inside. I just didn't voice it out, because I respected your choice to not tell. But, I wanted you to know, I would hold your hand liked this, even without knowing whatever it is that cause that turmoil that you are feeling". My eyes felt prickly, I pulled and hugged him so tight, kissing his temple solemnly. I could feel his hand caressing my nape, trying to sooth the worry that he must had detected. 

As soon as the door closed; I felt coldness, surrounding my world again. 

Nine

"Nine, you still didn't tell Joong the reason you're here, right?", Jay said while driving me to my home. I gulped and not answering Jay, looking out of the window on my side. 

"So, you're the one, who did a background check on me. How much did you find out, Jay?", I asked, smiling bitterly. I was not blaming Jay, he was following order. But I also did not condone being treated that way. 

"Forgive me Nine. But, though it really disrespecting your privacy, please trust there's a solid reason behind it. Joong...didn't tell anything much, even to me. With him, most of the time, we have to decipher the codes ourselves, you must know that, right?". I nodded. 

Yes, just as what I'd told Joong, not just his feeling, his pain of dealing with a dysfunctional family, more so suffering abuse, emotionally and... physically, all of it, he didn't say a word of grievance to me. I found it all from the marks that marred his skin, from his cold upfront, and harsh personality. Yet, his inside is pure, just someone who has a lot of hearts to give and no one to receive them.

"I couldn't hurt him more, Jay. I won't be able to bear it, if he knew that I came to save the school, or else would never bother him otherwise. I didn't expect to fall sick liked this. I didn't even dare to ask the cost of what he had spent on my hospital stay alone. Maybe that's why my parents easily assumed that we are an item, I mean, who would put that much importance to no one", I shook my head, and released an exasperated sigh. 

"Stop lying to yourself, Nine. The school is of course, a worthy cause, but, you wouldn't be so determine, if you didn't miss him that much too, wasn't it? Hmm, Nine...could I say something? Whatever you are to one another, it is out of my boundary to interfere. But, the brief moments that I saw Joong with you, he was almost a different person".

"How different? Sorry, Jay, because I am not used to see him dealing with anyone else, so I couldn't tell. But he likes you too, Jay, that I could tell. So, don't mind his harsh words".

"Tsk, tsk, you should say that to him, not me. Actually, I berated him, more than he berated me. We are comfortable that way Nine. But, not in front of people though, during work, we kept it professional, he is still my boss", Jay said while smiling, and continued, "but, the way he is with you, almost made me stunt in wonder".

"Why?", I asked, also curious of what Jay saw, in so little time.

"Tenderness. I know, it doesn't look liked that mushy thing everyone so used to, but that is as tender as Joong could be. Hmm, for a better word, he treated you almost with gentle hands; so careful, and had a pure, sincere, childlike adoration too". 

"So, liked I'm an elder? Maybe because I am older, Jay", I was trying to justify; and also long ago, I projected myself as that as well, towards him.

"No, Nine. Not as an elder, and I don't think he would kiss someone that he thought as that", Jay said candidly, which made me cleared my throat, a little shy. Jay really didn't munch his words, but I must say, he was a good match to deal with someone with Joong's easy temper. "I think you know the word I'm trying to say, Nine. Cause you treat him the same way too, so you definitely don't need me to spell it out". 

"It's...complicated, Jay", I said, not ready to explain further.

"You don't want to say it to him, because you don't want to tie him, yet only, for him to lose you again, later, isn't it?". I was too shocked and turned my head to look at Jay.

"What...what are you talking about, Jay. Don't say, you still check on me?", suddenly, I felt indescribable doubt creeping into my heart.

"No, Nine. I don't. It is just that, your condition, was not the first time that I saw. I kind of knew, that it is not as light as you try to project to others. It took longer to get well, fainting so soon after discharge. You also took medicine daily, ermm, that was from when I followed you around, before".

"Did you say anything to Joong? Please Jay....", I said in worry, my voice was shaking. 

"No. As I told you, whatever it is between the two of you, it's out of my boundary. But, just so you know, sickness is not the end of making the most of your life. Giving up so easily on the people around you or losing yourself the chance to have anything precious; just because you're afraid of not having enough time? Just as you were angry with Joong, for not respecting your decision, isn't it also not fair to decide for him, in this matter? I mean, unless you really also don't want it to be...then, forgive me for being blunt...". 

Jay really was more matured beyond his age, and was a good friend for Joong to have beside him. Jay's words kept resounding in my head. It was running in my mind before I slept that night, and also still circling throughout the journey back in the train. 

The village air that greeted me was so fresh, making me realized how stuffy the city air was. Though it started as a run away place; to hide; I end up really loved living in this environment; to be surrounded by good people; and the children that captured my heart. 

But, maybe...I am losing out on the chance to be with the true love that make my heart beats out of rhythm more time than the sickness did. 

I laid down on my bed, closed my eyes, and think hard.