Sam Glaspy's Poetry

10/31/2020- Intuition of the Black Sheep

A/N- This is partially a Halloween SpEciAL cHaPtEr but I also just got back from an outdoor discounted psychic and I have never felt more accepted in my life (no offense, to my friends reading this. I mean by someone who doesn't know me).

Today, I went to a little town.

The women in the Metaphysical store were proud of me for knowing so much about witchcraft and teaching my family little bits that wouldn't worry them.
They offered me an internship.
I hope I can take it.

Right after that, I walked through outdoor haunted mazes (with a mask on of course so I don't die), and then I went to a psychic reading.

I started by complimenting her piercings and trying to be open. I've always wanted to understand myself, not know my future.

"Do you have a goal of something for The Cards to tell you?"

"I'd like to know I'm not crazy."

"Why's that?"

"I'm skeptical most of the time, but I saw my dead great grandmother walk in a hallway with me. I've always felt something around the photo of her my grandma has. We share everything about us. Poetry, down to the subject and writing style, disorders, and even a birthday."

She divided the deck into three.

"Which deck do you trust?"

"I don't know why, but the one on the right."

She picked up the Seven of Spades, an Air card.

"Something inside you is holding you back. You want to escape, want to live, but you struggle with survival."

"I have a crippling panic disorder. I can hardly stay in school."

"Anything else?"

"I have a skill. I'm synesthesic. Each person's voice, personality, and name has a color, texture, maybe a feeling, physical or not, or some other strange detail, like a day of the week. You're purple."

"Thank you? I've been told that before, but I don't know what it means."

"I don't think I do either."

I decided to take a risk based on her personality and the vibe I got from her.

"By any chance, is your name one or two syllables?"

"Two. Joey. Have you ever practiced these things?"

I don't know if it was just a lucky guess.

"I've tried Clairaudience and Clairvoyance. Today, I bought my first tarot set from the Metaphysical store."

"Good."

She pulled the next card. Seven of Pentacles, an Earth card.

"You're drained. Set back. You're no where near your full potential."

She was so right. My depression has been holding me back. My medication stopped working. She continued.

"Meditate. Bring out your power. You can help so many people with your gifts. Some people make general statements to make people happy and take their money. You're smart. You know things. You can really make a difference."

I thanked her. I felt good about myself for the first time in a long time. I know it was probably chance, or fate, if that's even real. I just felt like everything could be okay again for some odd reason. She went on.

"It's okay to be the black sheep. It made you something different. I'll pull one last card for the road because I like you."

King of Cups, a Water card.

"You're sensitive. You're intuitive. And I don't think you're the first one in your family."

"I'm not the only one who's seen Granny Betty. Her other daughter has watched nothing knock over her old things to get her attention."

"It could be her or your grandmother maybe?"

"No one in the family really likes Nana except me. Everyone says she's 'cold,' or 'negative.' I think she's lost."

"Maybe she's like you?"

"Maybe."

I only paid for a five minute session. She gave me about three times that.

"I hope to see you back, Sam. You'd do great here."

Even if it was all good business, she gave me solid advice.
I may be the black sheep, but I have potential.
I should trust myself.
Meditation would be good for me.
I'm not alone in my family, even if the person like me is long dead.

I guess I've always found comfort in weird death and darkness,
Even as a kid.

My favorite book in second grade was called "Miracle Pets," and it was about animals that made miraculous comebacks after being presumed dead.
It always scared me to read it, but I'd do it anyway, because it felt good as such a nervous kid to be able to control my fear.

I'd be one of the kids huddled around a book about true vampire sightings at the parent loop in elementary school, terrified, yet morbidly interested.

I was the one who got into Gravity Falls and all the theories and lore that came with it.

I got into horror rock, like Misfits and MCR in middle school.
Their concepts were always dark, but they kept me on the edge of my seat,
No matter if it was the first listen or millionth.

Now, I'm having a Neil Gaiman and Edgar Allan Poe phase. Smoke and Mirrors is my favorite short story collection.

I adore cemeteries and anything even remotely enough to comfort my existential crises.

I'm just glad someone told me I could make it in the world as the black sheep.