Sam Glaspy's Poetry

8/28/2020- Worst Fear/ Don't Do It

A/N- idk if this will be helpful to anyone. I just felt like maybe someone needed it.
TW- mentions of suicidal thoughts, self harm, and ED

My worst fear is losing people.
Being alone.
Them being alone.
Them feeling like they're a burden on everyone else.
And they should be alone.
All alone.

I've almost lost some friends to the man with the scythe.
"Sam,
It hurts so bad.
But I deserve it.
I needed to make the pain real.
No one believed me, and I stopped believing myself."

I almost lost my best friend. They self harmed for the first time, and then reached out to me in a panic.
Not a day goes by that I don't think about what could have happened if I wasn't there for them.

I've been in the hospital for suicidal thoughts before.
I don't wish that on anyone.
When I still had faith in God, I would beg for Him to give everyone's problems to me and kill me so that no one else would hurt.

Of course, if he's there, he didn't listen. 

All I can say to the people that are hurting is-

One day, you will reach what you held on for. I've done it. You can too. Whether it be a concert, a friend, or even your plant, one day you will be satisfied and happy, if just for a little while. And then it starts again.

Someone would miss you. Even if it's just the old lady you always stop to talk to in the library. I'd miss you.

Coming from someone who was suicidal as recent as this morning, you'll conquer old bad habits eventually. The thoughts may remain, but they become bearable. I've been clean from self harm for eight months or so.
And I haven't starved myself for about six.
I still get those thoughts, but I can fight them off.

So don't do it, love.
Please.
It's not worth losing the opportunity to be with the people who make you feel better forever.
Don't do it.
I love you.