Murder Family

13.4K 213 108
                                    

"I was a good person before it all went down. I was good my entire life. You do everything right in life, play by all the rules, and still get sent down here with all the Hitlers and Epstiens of the world after one measly massacre propelled by blind rage. So that's why I'm here. To get my revenge." A purple bull based demon who was smoking a cigarette informed the imp demons.

"I mean, was she hotter?" Blitzø asks.

"Blitzø! I apologize for my boss, ma'am." Elizabeth scolds her boss, sending the bull demon an apologizing look, "We've heard your story, but who do you need revenge on? I mean you killed your husband and his mistress."

"That whore survived. Now they all call her a hero. Between the talk shows and donation bullshit, she made so much goddamn cash, getting shot was the best thing to happen to her." the bull woman then slams her fist on Elizabeth's desk, breaking it, "SHE IS NOT A HERO!!!"

"Oh, yeah, okay, yeah. My thoughts exactly." Blitzø told her as Elizabeth repeatedly pressed a button under her desk.

...

A red light blinks rapidly on a category that says, "Deranged Client". Moxxie aims his crossbow and prepares to shoot a picture of a happy human family, but can't bring himself to do it.

Millie stops him, "Moxxie, stop shakin'. You're gonna shoot our only Hellhound!"

Loona was holding the picture up, occupying herself with her phone as she lied down on the couch, "Wow, I feel so loved here."

"Just take a deep breath..." Millie breathes in as a demonstration, "And let it out."

"But, it's a family. Under what circumstances would we ever need to kill a human family?" Moxxie asks.

"I mean, if that's what the client wants." Millie shrugs.

"Maybe like a shitty dad." Moxxie scratches his head with the crossbow, "Or a mob family." he then does an impression, "That's understandable. But to eradicate an entire innocent, seemingly in this instance, upper middle class family bloodline?!"

Loona looks at the picture of the family with a pitied look before looking back at the two imps, "Hey! You don't know they're innocent. This kid probably sets dogs on fire. Maybe this girl gets off to bullying Australian kids online. And this guy...this guy definitely watches."

"Exactly! Humans are full of secret nasties! It's why so many of them end up here."

"But-"

"Guilty and innocent aren't our business, Mox." Millie grabs his cheeks, "Killin' who we're paid to is our business. Shoot the target." she kisses him.

"I just think it's a bit excessive and we could be a bit more selective is all." Moxxie aims the crossbow once more.

Blitzø, Elizabeth, and the bull woman barge through the door, "Guys, I want you to meet-"

Moxxie accidentally fires an arrow. It bounces around the room, hitting the computer, going through the picture Loona was holding, and hitting the legs of the table holding up the electric eel tank before Blitzø catches it.

"Our newest client!" Blitzø finishes his sentence as the tank tips over, the office suddenly setting on fire, "Damn it, Moxxie! I just bought those eels!"

...

The firefighters take the eels out as Elizabeth waves to the bull woman, who drove away in a taxi, "Bye! And don't worry, ma'am, we'll get that woman in less than 24 hours or your first kill is free!"

"When did we start implementing that deal?" Moxxie asks.

"When you set fire to my office..." Blitzø starts to say, pulling Moxxie near him, "In front of a CLIENT YOU FUCKING DICK SHIT!" he throws the imp to the side, "Now, someone please tell me that fancy book is still intact!"

Helluva Boss (The IMP Life)Where stories live. Discover now