365 Letters To You || Larry Stylinson

|Prologue|

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Who knew you'd be the one to hurt me? Who knew you'd be the one to cause me the greatest pain one could ever receive? What hurts the most, isn't even the physical beatings you placed upon me, but the betrayal and hate and resent you introduced to my heart. I gave you everything that I could ever fathom within myself. I let you know all of my thoughts, my wishes, my dreams, my fears. I left myself naked in front of your eyes. I put everything I had into you, and you used all of that against me. Who knew that you were the monster torturing my mind, body, and soul?

Everything we had was a lie. When we met, you said that you'd never hurt me. When we first got together, you told me you'd never leave me. When we first made love, you swore never to take for granted. You used me, but I guess I should have known better. Your gentle touch wasn't to soothe the pain, your kind words wasn't to encourage my thoughts, your presence wasn't to fulfill the emptiness I felt for years. They were all to lure me in, to confuse me, brainwash me into thinking you were someone I needed.

You took everything away from me. I couldn't bare the thought of you doing this to me in a million years. I thought you were the one. The one who'd protect me from all things evil and negative in my life. The one to actually love me for the person that I am. I hoped you were that person. But now I wouldn't bet your heart on it. And as my tears drop onto this thin piece of sheet while writing, I now know, that I never meant to you, how you meant to me. The saddest part is, I still love you.

You gave me strength, hope, comfort; everything that I never had. You gave me a feeling so indescribable, it's unreal. The way you touched me, caressed me...made me feel like I was floating on air. I was in love. In love with the existence of love. In love with the adrenaline rush I felt whenever you appeared. In love with you. Your disheveled quiff and stunning good looks appeared so breath-taking. The soft ring of your voice was music to my ears. The depth of your sapphire eyes, I could see the calm wave of an ocean, making me fall deeper and deeper. Your perfect, pink lips, tender and ever-so light against my lips with a taste so delightful, I'd never forget. Your strong arms, protectively, reassuringly embracing me. To cease my tears and hug away the fears buried inside. All of these things that I've come to know, will never be felt, or spoken of again.

This is my last letter. You won't hear from me ever again. The pain is too strong. I cannot deal. Someday I will see you again. I've got to take this pain away.

Despite all the terrible things you've done, I do not wish anything but love and happiness for you. Take care of yourself. God knows I can't fix you.

I will always love you, Louis Tomlinson; my friend, my heart, my lover, my tormenter.

Forever Yours,

Harry S.