An Unreasonable Amount of Pilots: A KiriBaku Story

Chapter 5

 < CW - Suicide description, self-harm mention, depression, anxiety, graphic wound description >

"We knew each other?!" I said incredulously, shock flashing across my features.

"Yeah..." He looked down at his intertwined hands and took another deep breath. "I'll tell you the whole story."

"Although it may not be obvious by my actions, I've actually had some experience with suicide before." He begins, and my heart drops into my stomach. "When I was in 10th grade, my sister was... very depressed. She had been for some time, and I had been painfully oblivious. The day she told me she made me promise not to tell our parents before confessing to self-harming for years. As you can guess I was devastated and shocked that someone would even consider doing that, much less my own sister. I didn't know what to do, so I foolishly told nobody, believing that she would get over it and would be happy again eventually... which is something I deeply regret to this day." He inhales sharply. "She killed herself four weeks later."

I feel guilt crash down onto me; Kirishima must have felt helpless whenever he realized practically the same thing was happening over again. He probably thought that he was going to lose me too since I lost so much blood. I can't even imagine what that felt like for him, the feeling of being so out of control.

He inhales slowly before continuing "Her name was Hikari Kirishima and we went to Koko ni Kōkō no Namae High."

"Wait-"

He pulls out a creased and worn picture from his wallet, looking over it fondly as he smooths out the wrinkles before gingerly passing it over to me. A familiar face stares back at me; one with a bright smile and a playful gaze I couldn't forget, though I'd been trying for years.

I look up at him as the shocking recognition sets in.

"W-Wait wait wait wait," I say, my mind tripping over the information. "Y-You-"

He smiles sadly. "The first time I met you was a Friday after your soccer practice. Hikari had invited you over for the night after the meet, and I remember you walking through our front door still in your soccer cleats and jersey. I was standing on the stairs, although I had black hair back then so I'm guessing that's why you haven't recognized me. We never spoke, but I remembered you by your blond hair and piercing red gaze, and I guess the way you held yourself. You had so much confidence. I remember wishing I could be more like you.

"I saw you a couple of times after that here and there, at school with my sister, at my home occasionally; I even went to your house once to drop off Hikari for dinner. You never really noticed me though; I was a lot shorter and more soft-spoken back then. Our parents were always pretty busy; they were both lawyers, so she and I spent a lot of time home alone together. When we both turned 16 we took turns driving each other to school, and she was also the first person I ever came out to actually-"

I choke on my tea again, spitting it back into the cup this time. "W-wait what?" I stammer, thinking this is too good to be true.

He cocks an eyebrow, confused. "You didn't know I was gay, Bakugou? Damn, I could've sworn I told you. Hm, guess not." He says nonchalantly, shrugging his shoulders and taking a sip out of his mug.

I'm shocked at how cooley he just admitted that, saying it like it was nothing. I haven't even come out to anybody yet and I can't even begin to imagine everyone knowing I'm gay. Or even one person. Well actually... I guess- I guess I could tell Kiri?... Obviously, he'd be fine with it, but... Would it make things awkward between us?? Could I screw this up? What even is "this"? Could it-