→ softly | eruri

05

[LEVI]

Two weeks have passed, me and Erwin have gotten more and more close with each other. He's been showing a different kind of emotions lately rather than just "dead inside." Other than that, Hange hung out with me, Isabel and Furlan as well. Basically, the five of us are all friends.

However, despite all the fun we had I still felt something was missing and I don't know what. I've been lonely for so long I've got used to it by now. Ever since I first opened my eyes and counting.

I let the painful memories overwhelmed me as I recalled back to 10 years ago. Mom laying lifelessly on her death bed while I waited for her to wake up. With my knees pulled up to my chest and my arms wrapped around my shins; if I could just curl up into a ball, I wouldn't have to face the shivering cold with my saggy, torn-apart shirt. I haven't eaten in a few days, literally begging death to come and take me in it's vicious arms, that was somehow more bearable than the pain that I was going through.

Before I even realised it, a man came busting at the front door while blabbering nonsense to my unresponsive mother. He was very tall and slim with a well-built body. He was wearing a white shirt with a large black overcoat that reached past his knees. He also had a bowler hat with a white bad around it.

That's where I met Kenny.

He took me to his home and take care of me. For the first time in my life, my food wasn't cold anymore and neither was my bed off the ground. And more of all, I feel wanted.

But that's just for a little while. I mean, it was fun while it lasted.

Kenny barely stayed at home now, saying that he got some work to do outstation. He only comes back once a month to pay the rents and my meals. Apart from that, we never really spoke. He wasn't abusive or anything, he just abandoned me.

Then, high school came and that's where I discovered more than just being an empty emo boy. I met someone. Who willing to become my friends.

Did I tell you about the time I met Furlan? It was in 7th grade. He ran after me and tackled me for trying to steal his bike after school. We went crashing to the ground, almost got run down by a school bus. He had me pinned on the concrete road like one of his ward patients. And before I knew it, we started hanging out like nothing ever happened.

He'd always stick up for me in front of others, even when he knew I was wrong. Then privately he'd let me know what he really thought and how I should've behaved differently, who I should apologise to, how to avoid repeating the same mistake. I listened to him because he listened to me.

Following 8th grade, I met Isabel. We only knew each other through Furlan at first, we knew each other just enough to smile at each other and waved "hello" in the corridors but we managed to get closer. She had a kind of brutal honesty that tested most friendships, but I appreciated it. I always knew where I stood with her. And she was generous to a fault, both with her time and possessions.

Not long after that, the name Erwin Smith started to become a hot topic around school. He would join every competition, his name was everywhere on the school notice board.

"Top Student."

"Gold Medalist."

"Winner."

I remembered clearly that I used to hate him with passion. Like, seriously, his presence buzzed around me like a fly that I could not swat. He's talented, brilliant and he has everything. And there was me. A stupid side character who just happened to exist. Envy was a good way of saying how I felt about Erwin.

Until one day, I saw the truth, saw that he was lovely. I don't even know how to begin with that. It just sort of...happened.

"Oi, Levi!"