I Love You

I Love You .. part 6

The holidays were alright, although I could have gone without the drama in my house. Father doesn't accept the way my sister and I like to handle our lives. So, he thinks he can control us the way he controls mother. Pathetic. I couldn't handle any more of his "talks" nor any of mother's sobs, so I decided to come back to the dorms two weeks early. Coming back to the dorms felt like an escape to me. I couldn't wait to tell Solange all about my holiday. However, things started getting tense when we came back. I couldn't put my finger on it. Sol's normal "relaxed" smile seemed strained, as if it caused her pain to smile. It was bothering me the entire last week of vacations, but by the beginning of classes I just dropped it. We never did get around to dating. Solange added another course on Psycho-dynamics and I added another club. By now, Sol was taking twenty-one units and still managed to come to my photo shows. On the other hand, I had been accepted to the art school I applied with a scholarship. This took all of my time, so I was too busy to pay attention to her. We didn't talk as much as we'd spend more time in the room in silence or with background music as the only sound; however, most of the time we were apart.

I noticed Sol's smile was completely gone. It seemed like she didn't smile anymore, especially around me. I realized this as I was trying to pick out an outfit for a photo show that was taking place this evening.

Her eyes seemed to almost push at me. "Why do you do that?"

I had no idea what she meant, so I turned to face her. "Do what?"

She grunted. "Walk around the room in only boxers and muscle shirts. You act like you own the place." She rolled over her bed and went back to reading her textbook.

I suddenly felt self-conscious. I mean I don't care what others think of me, but for some reason what she had said made me think twice. Was I in such bad attire that it embarrassed her to be seen with me? Was that why it seemed like she was avoiding me? I looked down and shrugged. I didn't see anything wrong with what I was wearing. I wasn't even completely naked.

"I didn't know it bothered you." She waved her hand as if dismissing the topic.

"Did I say it bothered me? I was simply mentioning it." Her eyes were glued to the book.

"Never thought about it, really, you rather I put on something that covers more?"

Sol closed her book and jolted off the bed like if it was on fire. I could see the anger in her eyes, but why? "Why the fuck would I care what you wear, Melody?" She grabbed her bag and her board, "I'm off to the library."

She brushed passed me. I didn't even have the chance to utter a word before I heard the door slam. What the hell is wrong with her, I thought but brushed it off. I didn't have time to think over what had just happened. I had a photo show to attend to and I needed to focus. I would look for her later and ask her to explain, if that didn't help then I would make her tell me what in the fuck was going on.

I was so stoked. I had been given the biggest recognition in the photography industry. Nan Goldin, a famous photographer, had come to the photo show and asked who the artist was. Immediately a friend of mine, who is also a photographer, introduced us. Turns out he was out recruiting for new talent to enter his new business with him. Goldin liked my work and asked me to come up with a project by the end of the month to present to the other committee members. Trish, a colleague of mine, and I were excited. I had asked her to help me out, and like me she was thrilled. We had until the end of the month, and like the devoted photographers we were we dove in feet first.

I had to tell Solange. We got back to the room after we received the instructions from Goldin. He was a major control freak, so I wanted to do things the way he wanted. Later I would change things around the gallery. Sol looked up, her face a mixture of bewilderment and annoyance as I dragged in Trish with me. "Sol, I'm so happy!"

For a brief moment, that smiled that would make my day every morning curled her lips. "What happen? Why so happy?"

I plopped on my bed, and pulled Trish down with me. "I met one of the most famous photographers of our times. Nan Goldin, and he gave me a project to join him in one of his galleries." I was bouncing up and down on the bed. I pointed at Trish, "She's helping me come up with a project fit for Goldin."

Her smile tightened and she looked her over, assessing. "You'll make a great pair. I'm happy for you both"

"We have until the end of the month, so we are going to have to spend a lot of time on brainstorming so everything can be perfect. I think we should start as soon as possible!" I smiled at Sol, and turned to face Trish. We were both smiling like fools. I can't wait to get going.

Apparently, neither did Sol. Closing her laptop and placing it in her bag, she grabbed a jacket and went for the door. "I have a research paper to finish. You can use the room."

I hadn't wanted to banish her from the room. I'd wanted to share my happiness with my best friend. That kind of killed the fun. "Ok." She was almost out the door before I asked, "See you at dinner?"

Sol paused. "Yeah, sure, I've got to eat anyway. Thanks."

I just didn't get it, so I cornered her by the cafeteria. "Ok, Sol what's going on? Last semester you didn't mind if I brought friends over to discuss the projects."

She frowned at me. "Well, last semester I wasn't taking twenty one credits."

I shrugged. "Granted, but that hurt when you just walked out like that. I thought you'd be happy for me."

Placing her hands in her pockets, Sol just looked down. "I am, but look at it from my point of view. You and she are going to be spending time together, a lot of time together."

"So?" I couldn't see what this had to do with anything or how it would affect anything.

Her eyes were sad when she looked up at me. "It'd feel like I'm the third wheel or something. I know it's only a project, but you two are going to be spending a lot of time together. Nights and days, it would just be too distracting for me if I were to be there."

"It's not like I'll be dating Trish by the end of this project. It's just a project, Sol." I caressed her cheek and looked into her eyes. Can she see my sincerity? I asked my self.

She shrugged and leaned close to my hand. "I know. Let's just drop it, ok?"

I sighed and took my hand back. "Alright."